It seems like everywhere we look we see people getting ahead by taking away from others. It’s so tempting to jump on the bandwagon and follow them. Maybe we want to get ahead financially, get ahead in our careers, get ahead with relationships, or in any other way.
Before you make getting ahead by taking from others a lifestyle, look at some of the reasons why it won’t benefit you now or in the distant future.
1 OUR MAIN GOAL
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would tend to make us go in the direction that is more self-serving—centering ourselves around what we can individually attain. This is understandable since most of us have been brought up in a culture that emphasizes individual accomplishments, and the habit of competing against others.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
A world made up of billions of individuals pushing others aside to gain will eventually collapse on itself. There will be nothing to hold it up. A CEO is nothing without their workers and customers.
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2 FOCUS ON THE GAME OF WIN/LOSE
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would tend to make us focus on the game of winning over others, even going to the extent of cheating or changing the rules. Gerrymandering political districts is a good example of how far we will go to not lose.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
The game is NOT winning/losing—the real game is learning to love. With this game, everyone wins all the time.
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3 ADDS STRESS
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would tend to add stress trying to outdo, outwit, outshine, and out win everybody else. But, the most pressure would be caused by trying to do every part of the process without making any mistakes.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
The only stress learning to love adds is at the beginning, when we are still resisting the awareness that it’s not a competition but a collaboration.
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4 USE RELATIONSHIPS
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would tend to make us try to control others to “get something” from them by giving them hardly anything of value in return. This is common now with companies that have a labor force. There is often an expectation to work harder for less.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
The problem is that once people feel used and unimportant they will half-ass their job, quit, be a whistleblower, sue us, spread the word, or never come back. Those willing to buy our product or service, and those willing to work for us will keep dwindling until we close our doors.
When we want others to lose, we will lose too.
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5 REQUIRES LOTS OF SACRIFICES
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It tends to demand losses in other areas of our lives. This could be by making sacrifices with our health, finances, careers, and almost all of our relationships.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
The sacrifices we will make outweigh the rewards of winning in one tiny area. There is a heavy price to pay. What’s the reward in having loads of money, but are chronically ill?
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6 ENCOURAGES A SUPERIORITY MINDSET
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
The more we win, the more we tend to believe we are more valuable than others. A leader, such as a CEO could believe they have more value than their workers. The rich could believe they have more value than the poor. Well-known people, such as celebrities or politicians could believe they have more value than ordinary people.
With more and more wins, we could easily begin believing that other groups have no value at all, and that their existence is hurting our way of life, which would escalate into bloodbaths and genocides.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It’s not about hurting and eliminating people that we think are inferior to us. If we keep playing the win/lose game, one day the winning will stop and we’ll be pushed over to the loser side.
In reality, others may have a different purpose in the world than us, but everyone is valuable. No one is better or less.
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7 ADDS FEAR
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would tend to make us fear retaliation. If we try to limit or hurt others to get ahead, it can easily cause us to be on guard and watch out for a counterattack.
It makes us afraid others will do to us what we did to them.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
It would eventually make the world preoccupied with getting even, leaving no room for appreciating, sharing, and unconditional loving.
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8 NOT SATISFYING
If We COULD Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
Winning when someone loses isn’t very satisfying. Oh sure, we might feel good for a minute, but it’s just the ego trying to make the win mean something—anything. We then immediately jump into the next competition. All the time saying to ourselves, “Maybe if I win more, it will feel better.”
That’s why the rich never seem to have enough money. Or a dictator wants to conquer another country. What they have is not enough.
Why We CAN’T Gain at Another’s Expense Long Term…
There is no heart or substance in pushing others aside to gain, it’s only form or unimportant matter. We are tempted to think if we can somehow grab the unimportant matter (titles, powerful positions, someone’s spouse, money, etc.) from others, it would be full of gratifying valuables. But when we get it, nothing’s there.
The only way the unimportant matter can be gratifying is when we focus all our attention on the heart (gratitude, kindness, unconditional love, etc.).
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I have two QUIZZES that may help you have faith that no one will gain at another’s expense long term…
Is the Changing World Stressing You Out?
How Often Do You Listen to Your Intuition?
Also, check out the Inner Work and Intuition sections on my website.
And, if you need an advisor to help you on your quest, contact Vickie Champion for a coaching and consulting session at a discounted price.