Are you struggling with the possibility that you might be gay? Maybe you know you prefer the same sex, but have spent years doing everything humanly possible to change it.

Here’s where the concept of free will comes in. Most of us define it as the ability as separate individuals to make choices, as one wishes, without them being predestined by fate or divine will.

If free will is possible in this instance, wouldn’t there be more of us gays able to will or wish it away?

What if we stopped buying into the concept of free will altogether? Would that, in itself, end most of the gay shame, pain, and struggle to change what is?

A Course in Miracles states that,

“Every decision is made for the whole Sonship, directed in and out, and influencing a constellation larger than anything you have ever dreamed of.”

To me this means, instead of every individual going their own separate way and doing their own thing, that there is a Higher Power or God orchestrating a course of events so intertwined that it is beyond our comprehension. And that there is a Divine reason so many of us are now being born or turning gay—we just don’t know what it is yet.

Other passages say,

“What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?”

“And it will lead you on in ways appointed for your happiness according to the ancient plan, begun when time was born.”

And another states,

“You need to be reminded that you think a thousand choices are confronting you, when there is really only one to make. And even this but seems to be but a choice.”

To me that means, our only choice is whether we want to keep thinking we have free will, or to let God or the Higher Power show us how to be happy.

That last line goes even deeper. It only appears like we have a choice from one or the other. But, there is no opposite to choose from. Free will does not exist. There is only God or a Higher Power, and happiness to select.

For more blogs, visit the Relationship Section on my website.

If you need help with being gay, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching & consulting session.

Many of us have worked really hard, sometimes years, trying to ignore or change the fact we are gay. Sooner or later we give up and realize that the only control we really have with being gay is whether this will be the worst experience or the best experience we have ever had.

Here are Some Ways to Make Being Gay a Great Experience…

1. Accept it. Think of it this way. There are 7 billion of us and we are all going up a mountain. Because there are so many of us, there are several paths to take. Every one of them goes to the top of the mountain. No path is wrong. They are just different paths with different experiences to offer. And no path is superior or inferior to the other paths. Once you accept your path, it gets more pleasurable.

2. Get close and trust your inner guidance, God, Higher Power, or whatever you want to call it. Your path has lots of twists, turns, ups and downs so ask for help often, listen, and follow through. Navigating can be tricky at times, but it has the possibility of being a wonderful journey if you trust your guide.

3. Practice being honest. You’ll find out that lying to yourself and others causes the path to become rougher and adds more fear to overcome. At first not being truthful seems like you are avoiding what scares you altogether, but really you are just pushing it down the path to be dealt with at a different time in a different circumstance. In the meantime, with each lie, the fear keeps piling up and gets harder to push, especially uphill.

4. Watch your thoughts. Whether you know this or not, every thought you think causes an effect. So, if you complain, blame, get angry, or are afraid often you most likely don’t even see the path any longer through the shoulder-high weeds. What a difficult journey! But, if you see your path as a fun adventure, you have a clear path and are able to see the all the amazing gifts every step of the way.  

5. Be grateful for being gay. This can be extremely hard at times to attempt, but if you even go through the motion saying you want to be grateful for the problems along the path, they will simply vanish before your eyes. This clears the path so you can see the real beauty in it. Being grateful creates more things to be grateful for.

If you are doing some of these 5 things even half-way, you are finding out that the experience of being gay is not that bad.

Work on it full-time and watch it become the best experience you have ever dreamed of.

For more blogs, visit the Relationship Section on my website.

If you need help with your relationships, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching & consulting session.

For those of us who favor the same sex, after a while we become aware that no matter what we do, we can’t change the fact that we are wired to be gay. Hopefully, we come to the realization that the only control we really have with being gay is whether this will be the worst experience we have ever had or the best experience.

Here are Some Ways to Make Being Gay a Horrible Experience…

1.   Fight it. Listen to your conservative loved ones and society. In other words, try to be normal and fit in. Date people of the opposite sex. Cut off all ties with other gays and especially people you are attracted to. And then try your damnedest not to think about them. Usually, the longer you can last, the more depressing it gets.

2.   Don’t ever ask God or a Higher Power for help to see being gay with a different perspective. Instead, go with religious dogma believing that “God says it’s a sin.”

3.   Insist on making promises to yourself, try really hard to keep them, and feel guilty when you break them. To make it even worse, make promises to others.

4.   Practice being dishonest. Whenever you are approached with the question of being gay, lie, and think by doing so, you have avoided all the repercussions. Convince yourself that becoming a person you do not admire won’t affect your self-esteem in any way.

To make it worse, fool yourself into thinking telepathy does not exist and the only way any one will know you are gay is if you slip up. That causes lots of pressure.

5.   Don’t bother with being grateful for being gay. To make the experience worse, stay focused on being a victim and how hard your life is because of it.

6.   Distance yourself from others. When you talk with others focus on idle chat and under no circumstances get into deep meaningful conversations. Getting too close to people might cause you to inadvertently reveal too much about yourself.

7.   Worry about being found out. Obsess about how certain people will react and what they would think if they knew the truth about you. Treat it like reliving bad nightmares in your head over and over. It makes you really scared.

To make it even worse, often think about horrible things that have happened to others you know.

If you actually do these 7 things, no wonder you are angry, depressed, and having a miserable experience with being gay.

The less excruciating thing to do is to change your mind, to make being gay the best experience you have ever had. Do it and watch what happens!

For more blogs, visit the Relationship Section on my website.

If you need help with your relationships, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching & consulting session.

Before we get started. Take three deep breaths. What I’m going to propose is something I’ve been struggling with for several years. So, don’t poo-poo it right off the bat. Just think about it.

Here it is…

Just wonder, if we had full control of whether we want to make being gay the worst experience we’ve ever had, full of punishment or the best experience we’ve ever had, full of love? Wonder if that choice alone sets in motion every event, who we meet, and what will happen along our gay journey?

I’m real sure almost all of us cannot change whether we are gay or not. But I’m pretty sure we can choose if we want the experience of it to be joyful and empowering, or to be degrading and painful.

  A Course of Miracles states,

“The test of everything on earth (in our case, being gay) is simply this; “What is it for?” The answer makes it what it is for you.”

Another section says,

“Perception seems to teach you what you see. Yet it but witnesses to what you taught. It is the outward picture of a wish; an image that you wanted to be true.”

Wow! That last sentence was a doozy. So, we could feel we are so flawed and so wrong that we actually want to be condemned and punished for it.

On the other side of this, people like Ellen DeGeneres and Neil Patrick Harris currently seem like they have chosen to make being gay the best experience they have ever had, one full of love. Ellen’s mantra is to “be kind to one another” and it seems to be paying off.

Here’s the Good News!

You can change your mind at any time and watch everything around you change accordingly.

For more blog, visit the Relationship Section on my website.

If you need help with your lesbian and gay relationships, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching & consulting session.