Vickie’s Blog Posts

How to Break Up the Loving Way

When the relationship just isn’t working, and you need to end being partners, there are really only two choices, either use FEAR to break up or  use LOVE. You can either make breaking up the worst experience you have ever had—full of anger, hurt, and conflict. Or you can make it the best experience you have ever had—in agreement, without pain, and in peace.


1  Place Blame

There is a strong tendency to be afraid of not having a good reason to break up in the first place. Then we go back and forth in our minds hunting for things that have gone or are going wrong. This could be blaming our partner, ourselves, anyone or anything, or a combination of reasons the relationship did not work out.

The main aim is to make the break up justifiable by making someone feel guilty for doing something wrong.

2  Break Up When we are Angry

In the height of emotion, we tend to attack our partner with all sorts of criticism and accusations. Our partner can quickly become defensive and then it escalates to a full blown fight.

This usually happens when we insist on breaking up in the heat of the moment and face to face. The method itself can bring up lots of fear for both parties.

It can easily feel like we are going into a huge battle full of conflict and in truth we are.

 3  The Need to Explain

When we break up the FEARFUL WAY, we have a tendency to not only explain to our partner “why,” but we have the need to get them to understand our side of it.

This could prolong the breaking up process into several discussions that could last months.



1  No Need to Blame

When we break up the LOVING WAY the reason we have to break up is that we grew apart, have little in common now, and have finished what we were supposed to do in our relationship. Nothing more than that.

2 Break up When We are Calm

When we break up the LOVING WAY there is no urgency. We are at peace and coming from our heart, waiting for God, Higher Power, or our Inner Guide to instruct us when to do it and what to say.

We are open to use the method that feels right, whether it’s written, on the phone, face to face, or something else.

3 No Desire to Justify 

When we break up the LOVING WAY there is no desire to justify it to ourselves, our partner, or anyone else. When we really go deep within, it all comes down to the fact it just feels right and we don’t have any idea “why.”


One of the hardest things to do is break up with someone. The purpose for everything is to learn how to LOVE in spite of who says or does what, or even if we break up or not. The problem is that if we don’t break up the LOVING WAY, we will continue to experience pain until we eventually learn how.


For more about LOVE and FEAR read A Course in Miracles.

If you need help with “A Course in Miracles” concepts, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching & consulting session.