Vickie Champion

"I inspire and strengthen lives one thought at a time."

Why People Pleasing is Hard on INFJ Personality Types

One of the common issues INFJ Myers-Briggs personality types can face is falling into the habit of people pleasing. This can be especially difficult for INFJs.

Here’s Some Reasons Why the Need to Please Can Be Tough on INFJs…

 INFJs…

1   ARE INTROVERTED-

People pleasing almost always involves physically doing something for somebody to please them. Many times that consists of some kind of social interaction, whether it’s going to diner, running errands, attending a party, or going to a football game. INFJs can easily get overwhelmed by external stimuli.

2   LIKE A SLOWER-PACED LIFESTYLE-

The need to please usually makes demands on the pleaser’s time—causing them to move at a faster pace in order to do more things. Without slowing down for a spell to get their second wind, INFJs tend to crash.

3   TEND TO BE “ALL OR NOTHING”- 

Whatever INFJs put their minds to do, they go overboard (with a great deal of thought) and do it the best they possibly can, or they don’t do it at all. There is usually no in-between. So, when INFJs people please, it can easily go beyond the simple habit of saying YES, to doing it perfectly. No wonder it’s soooo difficult for an INFJ to break.

4   ARE DEEP SEA DIVERS-

INFJs dive as deep as possible into a different world of the 4th dimension (nonphysical thoughts and feelings). They are idea people who are intense, focused, and highly perceptive.

When INFJs people please it often prevents them from diving deep. It keeps them on the surface, distracted by what is happening in their day-to-day life in the 3rd dimension (what they physically see, hear, touch, taste, and smell). Too much people pleasing can cause any INFJ to feel detached, like a fish out of water.

5   ARE HIGHLY SENSITIVE-

The habit of pleasing others is a substitute for using inner guidance or intuition. INFJs have the eerie knack of sensing if something doesn’t feel right. But, instead of following their inner guide or intuition on what to do about it, people pleasers react by being nice.

WOW, is that hard to do for an INFJ!  Not only can they sense things coming from a mile away, they can easily tap into that higher source and get the answers to any situation. INFJs can “just know” things, and often experience “hunches,” “aha” moments, or sudden “flashes” of insight. Blocking that out makes an INFJ’s life extremely difficult with very little, if any, satisfying results.

6   HAVE PLENTY OF SELF-DOUBT-

Maybe from all those unmet high expectations. The need to please others appears when INFJs feel they are not good enough and others are more worthy of their efforts.

Enough Reasons?

Are these six reasons enough for you to make a commitment to start becoming the person you were meant to be?

If that’s not enough, take time to notice that it makes you feel second-rate and kind of lousy every time you do it.

No one can please others at their expense and benefit anyone.

I have two products that help INFJs end their habit of needing to please others:

How INFJ Personality Types Can Use Their Intuition or Inner Guide eBook

If you identify with the INFJ personality type, this simple eBook can help you optimize your already natural intuition or inner guidance—to the point your habit of people pleasing disappears. For more details.

 

 How to Feel Worthy Self-Study Course

This self-study course helps you change the mindset you have about yourself and the world around you. You will be able to finally feel worthy and be yourself. For more details.

 If you need more help, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

Why Trying to Please Does NOT Work in Twin Flame Relationships

You love your twin flame so much that you might have a tendency to focus on trying to please them every chance you can. But the need to please can easily cause the runner/chaser pattern.

Here’s Why Trying to Please Can Easily Cause the Runner/Chaser Pattern…

1   Usually, underlying our need to please is being scared to death that if we don’t do everything we can, our twin will do the unbearable, physically leave us.

2   When we have the belief (3rd dimension mindset) that “relationships require sacrifice and compromise” we tend to assume this is essential for a successful relationship.

3   We can easily try to control everything that happens in the relationship by pleasing. We can even get carried away and try to hide the truth, avoid discussing certain subjects, or fix our twin flame’s problems for them. This doesn’t work in a twin flame relationship for very long.

4   People pleasing steers us away from our own wants, desires, and most of all, our inner guidance or intuition.

5   Trying to please our twin flame makes us scared about something all the time. Often, it’s about reactions to what we said or did or what might happen in the future.

6   People pleasing causes us to have an extremely hard time accepting unconditional love, which is what the twin flame relationship is all about. Somehow, we don’t feel worthy of love without doing something to earn it.

7   Continuing our old habit of trying to please others at our expense only keeps us in our comfort zone. Even though it seems like it’s a loving thing to do, it’s really not helping the relationship at all.

8   It makes us feel second-rate and kind of lousy.  We never really feel good about ourselves, no matter how much we do for our twin flame.

Notice how trying to please is wrapped up in giving in order to get something else in return, which is commonly known as conditional love.  Somehow, we feel being afraid, sacrificing, and feeling unworthy is a small price to pay if it will keep our twin flame in our arms.

If you need help having a happy outcome with your twin flame…

Twin Flame Self-Study Course

This program explains and shows you how to shorten the timeline and navigate the relationship for a happy outcome. For more details

or

Twin Flame One-on-one Coaching

Coaching consists of 45-minute sessions over the phone (within the United States and Canada). For a complimentary coaching and consulting session, contact Vickie Champion. For more details

 For several blogs and videos, visit the Twin Flame Section on my website.

 

 

Why INFJ Personality Types People Please

Probably everyone has gone overboard to please someone at one time or another. But when the INFJ Myers-Briggs personality type has a habit of needing to please, it is exceptionally hard on them. Yet, it’s a common issue to overcome for INFJs. Here are reasons INFJ personality types would fall into the need to please others.

Why INFJs Would People Please…

When they…

  • Try to fit in. INFJs are the rarest of the 16 personality types. So, some might feel they need to please others to be accepted.
  • Want to avoid conflicts and even minor INFJs are sensitive and have the ability to telepathically pick up others’ thoughts and feelings. Bending over backwards and being super nice often calms potential flare ups.
  • Doubt The combination of overthinking and the knack of seeing all sides of a situation can make INFJs second-guess themselves. Instead of taking time to listen to their inner guide or intuition, they could easily fall into the default of people pleasing.
  • Believe saying NO is selfish. INFJs usually have a value system concerned with the well-being of people. But sometimes they forget they are people too and indulge others at their expense.
  • Don’t feel good enough and not as deserving as others. To say INFJs are tough on themselves is an understatement. They have high standards for themselves and when they feel they have fallen short, INFJs might think they need to do something to prove their worth.

 

Are You an INFJ who is Ready to Use Your Intuition or Inner Guidance More?

If you identify with the INFJ personality type, this self-study eBook can help you use your intuition or inner guidance more often—without having to change who you are. For more details.

Also, check out the Quiz, How Often Do You Listen to Your Intuition or Gut Feelings?

If you need more help using your intuition or inner guide, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

 

19 Signs We Are Trying to People Please with our Twin Flame

The difference between people pleasing and unconditional love is simple. The need to please is rooted in fear, and with twin flame relationships we are usually afraid our twin flame will run if we don’t at least try to please them. On the other hand, unconditional love comes from extending love and not caring about what happens—run or don’t run, it doesn’t matter.

Here’s Signs We’re Trying to People Please in our Twin Flame Relationship…

When we…

1   Say yes when we want to say no.

2   Think nothing of telling white lies to avoid hurting our twin flame.

3   Worry about what we did or did not do.

4   Secretly, think we are responsible for our twin flame’s happiness.

5   Have a habit of blaming ourselves for what happened.

6   Take things our twin flame says or does for face value.

7   Will do anything to keep our twin flame from running.

8   Feel we are not good enough for our twin flame.

9   Try to adapt our lifestyle to fit theirs.

10  Apologize to make our twin flame feel better and/or to avoid conflict.

11  Feel we would have a better relationship if we looked, spoke and acted differently.

12   Are afraid to tell the truth.

13   Try to fix our twin flames problems for them.

14   Deprive ourselves of things we want for the sake of the relationship.

15   Think our twin flame’s opinions are more important than our own. We can almost deny our own thoughts and feelings.

16   Believe doing more than is required in any situation—that by going an extra mile, our twin flame will appreciate and respect us even more.

17   Adjust our behaviors according to what your twin flames likes or dislikes.

18   Avoid doing or saying anything that might upset our twin flame.

19   Claim we don’t know how to listen to our inner guidance or intuition.

If you would like help stopping your need to please your twin flame…

Twin Flame Self-Study Course

This twin flame self-study course shows you how to shorten the timeline and navigate the relationship for a happy outcome. For more Details .

Or read my blogs and videos, visit the Twin Flame Section on my website.

To learn more about Vickie’s Individual Coaching Sessions for twin flame relationships. For a complimentary coaching and consulting session, contact Vickie Champion.

 

Why People Pleasing Does NOT Work in Twin Flame Relationships

You love your twin flame so much that you might have a tendency to focus on trying to please them every chance you can. But the need to please can easily cause the runner/chaser pattern.

Here’s Why the Need to Please Can Easily Cause the Runner/Chaser Pattern…

1   Usually, underlying our need to please is being scared to death that if we don’t do everything we can, our twin will do the unbearable, physically leave us.

2   When we have the belief (3rd dimension mindset) that “relationships require sacrifice and compromise” we tend to assume this is essential for a successful relationship.

3   We can easily try to control everything that happens in the relationship by pleasing. We can even get carried away and try to hide the truth, avoid discussing certain subjects, or fix our twin flame’s problems for them. This doesn’t work in a twin flame relationship for very long.

4   People pleasing steers us away from our own wants, desires, and most of all, our inner guidance or intuition.

5   Trying to please our twin flame makes us scared about something all the time. Often, it’s about reactions to what we said or did or what might happen in the future.

6   People pleasing causes us have an extremely hard time accepting unconditional love, which is what the twin flame relationship is all about. Somehow, we don’t feel worthy of love without doing something to earn it.

7   Continuing our old habit of trying to please others at our expense only keeps us in our comfort zone. Even though it seems like it’s a loving thing to do, it’s really not helping the relationship at all.

8   It makes us feel second-rate and kind of lousy.  We never really feel good about ourselves, no matter how much we do for our twin flame.

Notice how trying to please is wrapped up in giving in order to get something else in return, which is commonly known as conditional love.  Somehow, we feel being afraid, sacrificing, and feeling unworthy is a small price to pay if it will keep our twin flame in our arms.

If you need help having a happy outcome with your twin flame…

Twin Flame Self-Study Course

This program explains and shows you how to shorten the timeline and navigate the relationship for a happy outcome. For more details

Twin Flame One-on-one Coaching

Coaching consists of 45-minute sessions over the phone (within the United States and Canada). For a complimentary coaching and consulting session, contact Vickie Champion. For more details

For several blogs and videos, visit the Twin Flame Section on my website.

 

Advantages of Being a People Pleasing Solopreneur

Yes, there are some good points having the need to please when running a home based business. And there are lots of small business owners who could learn from them, especially in the area of customer service.

Here’s Some of the Benefits of Being a People Pleasing Entrepreneur-

People Pleasers tend to…

  • Give clients more than they ask for.
  • Save money by not hiring helpers to assist them.
  • Stay motivated. Unfortunately it’s mainly by the fear of not pleasing others. Nevertheless, they do stay motivated.
  • Easily make clients feel like they are important.
  • Be reliable and organized.
  • Avoid wasting precious time setting up policies, procedures, or making business plans.
  • Excel at customer service.
  • Keep clients for a long time.
  • Be comfortable and do well with a home based business because they usually feel insecure interacting with others.

These all sound really great, don’t they? The problem is, eventually people pleasers run out of time, especially the busier they get. The results are that they start becoming overwhelmed and often unreliable.

When you’re ready to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on being a niceaholic, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

By Vickie Champion

15 Disadvantages of Being a People Pleasing Solopreneur

Every entrepreneur has obstacles to overcome and the people pleasers or niceaholics that operate a home-based business are no exception.

Here’s Some of the Disadvantages of People Pleasing Solopreneurs-

People Pleasers have a tendency to…

  • Think the solution to most of their problems is to buckle down and work harder.
  • Let clients over extend their deadlines.
  • Worry far too much about what the client will think.
  • Take on challenges outside their area of expertise just to please their customers.
  • Underestimate the time it takes to accomplish a task.
  • Under earn.
  • Delay making decisions, fearing they will make mistakes.
  • Wait to improve their website or change their marketing materials until everything is perfect.
  • Volunteer too much.
  • Refuse to ask for help or build a team even when they are drowning.
  • Focus almost completely on the day-to-day tasks and are reluctant to set goals or make business plans.
  • Accept more and more work without getting compensated for it.
  • Want their work to be perfect more than they want it to be profitable.
  • Attract clients who take advantage of their need to please.
  • Skip thinking about the easiest, fastest way to do something.

A solopreneur has many challenges both innate to that career path and by the very nature of running any small business. But a people-pleasing solopreneur heaps many more challenges on themselves. The danger is that they eventually will cripple their business and end up with a life that is stressed, uninspired and void of any joy.

When you’re ready to learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you want to end being a niceaholic, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

By Vickie Champion

The Reason People Pleasers Waste Time

On the surface it seems like people pleasers get so much done. Always running here, running there, doing this and doing that. They work until the wee hours of the night, often seven days a week. How do they keep up that kind of pace? What keeps them so motivated?

 In fact, people pleasers waste a lot of time. Here’s why…

They tend to place being busy as their top priority and being effective as their lowest priority. And this all comes from a deep-seated belief that they need to do something to be loved.

When you’re ready to stop wasting time and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on the need to please, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

By Vickie Champion

Why People Pleasers Have a Difficult Time Leading Effectively

People pleasers make great employees…or do they? People pleasers, while often eager to help out, may not make the best employee if your business is in need of a great leader. Here’s why:

1  Great leaders are great decision makers.  People pleasers have a tendency to put off making decisions, fearing they will make a mistake.

2  Great leaders build strong teams.  People pleasers have difficulty delegating and have been known to overlook incompetent members of their team.

3  Great leaders communicate well.  People Pleasers usually avoid communicating when possible because they feel insecure when interacting with others.

4 Great leaders do the honest thing no matter how much it might upset others. People pleasers are guided by the need to be nice and avoiding confrontation is often a much higher priority than honesty.

5  Great leaders are creative and lead followers in new directions.  People pleasers lean toward following procedures and staying under the radar.

No one set of people lack the ability to be creative and lead. But chronic people pleasers need to shuck the insecure overcoat that prevents them from stepping out into the light of leadership. It is possible to reform people-pleasing tendencies and not just for the sake of career advancement and satisfaction but the deep peace and joy that comes from self-guided intuition and trust.

See my entire People Pleasing section. If you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

 

How People Pleasers Waste Time

In an effort to DO IT ALL and take care of EVERYONE, people pleasers are in a chronic state of not having enough time. Not only that, but they tend to waste the time they have.

 Here’s how People Pleasers Can Waste Time…

They tend to…

  • Underestimate the time it takes to accomplish a task.
  • Over prepare, just in case.
  • Read and respond to a good portion, if not all of their emails.
  • Spend extra time looking for and choosing the perfect gift or card.
  • Answer the phone no matter what they are doing or how inconvenient it is.
  • Go out of their way to communicate in person instead of email because it’s more personal.
  • Fix everyone else’s mistakes, whether it’s co-workers, family, friends or even strangers.
  • Let clutter build up which makes it hard to focus on anything very well.
  • Refuse to ask for help when they are drowning.
  • Let interruptions and socializing get in the way.
  • Makes it a practice to let others end conversations first, no matter how tight their schedule.
  • Work when they are really tired, burning candles at both ends.
  • Feel it’s easier to do it themselves, rather than to delegate.
  • Let incomplete and unclear communication complicate their task.
  • Give long explanations instead of short replies to emails.
  • Wait on colleagues who abuse their deadlines.
  • Skip allotting the time to think about easiest, fastest way to do something.
  • Neglect taking breaks to rest and recharge.

People pleasers will never have enough time, because they won’t take the time to manage and nurture their own lives. Refusing to care for themselves first short-changes the time that they could have enjoying a fulfilling life and sharing that joy with others.

When you’re ready to stop wasting time and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on time management, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

22 Reasons Why we Say YES When we Want to Say NO

We say YES when inside we’re screaming NO because we believe that the three-lettered word comes bearing gifts. We believe it brings us love, peace and a reward. It’s hard to say NO to what ultimately is an addicting and disempowering habit with the expectation of receiving those three things, isn’t it? But beware. The inability to say NO shows up in our daily lives as a form of self-sabotage.

Here are Some Reasons Why we Say YES When we Want to Say NO…

To…

  • Be liked.
  • Avoid disappointing others.
  • Feel appreciated or earn praise.
  • Relieve feeling guilty.
  • Reduce our own stress by focusing on others’ needs.
  • Feel more righteous or more capable than others.
  • Be needed.
  • Avoid conflict.
  • Stay busy and avoid downtime.
  • Feel secure.
  • Stay on auto-pilot.
  • Make and keep friends and acquaintances.
  • Stay in your comfort zone.
  • Fix others to avoid fixing themselves.
  • Keep addictive behaviors like overeating.
  • Blame others for our situation.
  • Neglect self-care.
  • Avoid appearing selfish.
  • Be in control.
  • Not hurt other people’s feelings.
  • Keep striving to be perfect.
  • Be a good person.

Saying YES to people all the time can be an act of cowardice. It keeps you in your own comfort instead of living your truth. When you’re ready to stop the chronic people pleasing and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section if you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

8 Advantages of Saying NO When you Want To

Saying YES when you want to say NO can make you feel liked or that you’re accomplishing something.  But the harm it does far outweighs these benefits.

Here are Some of the Upsides of Saying NO When you Want to…

You…

  • Are liked for who you are as a person, not for giving in.
  • Feel better physically without all that stress of overpromising.
  • Build your self-esteem from facing and overcoming your fears.
  • Impress others by not being an easy target.
  • End the constant feeling of being trapped.
  • Are able to focus on your own needs, wants, and dreams for a change.
  • Can stop worrying so much and begin relaxing a little.
  • Start feeling you really are “good enough.”

If you are ready to live a better life and want to learn how to say no in a kind way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section if you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

11 Advantages of Saying YES When you Want to Say NO

The reason people pleasers stay stuck in saying “yes” when they really want to say “no” is that they receive some benefit. Saying yes all the time, while potentially derailing a person’s dreams, does provide a pay off.

Here are Some of the Benefits of Saying YES When you Want to Say NO…

To…

  • Be liked for giving in.
  • Avoid those disappointing looks.
  • Prevent whining and begging pleas.
  • Keep overeating and getting physically sick from all the overpromising.
  • Continue building your reputation as an easy target.
  • Have a good excuse for criticizing yourself.
  • Impress by being better than others.
  • Constantly focus on fixing everyone else’s lives while neglecting your own.
  • Be able to stay in your comfort zone.
  • Avoid looking at or working on your own needs, wants, and dreams.
  • Worry and fret about something all the time.

If the advantages are not outweighing the disadvantages and you want the learn how to say no a kind way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

If you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

19 Signs Your Inability to Say NO has Gotten Out of Hand?

Everyone says an occasional YES when they really wanted to say NO. This list, however, is for those of us who have allowed our inability to say NO compromise our mental health, relationships, work, finances and our bodies.

Here are some Signs it’s Time to Learn How to Say NO… 

When you…

  • Feel guilty if you say no.
  • Usually work into the wee hours to make a deadline.
  • Put saying yes on auto-pilot.
  • Can’t remember when you turned someone down.
  • Think saying NO is selfish.
  • Find yourself squeezing things into your schedule and always running a little behind.
  • Gain weight and get physically ill from overpromising.
  • Apologize several times a day.
  • Say YES for the sole purpose of not ruffling feathers.
  • Can say your greatest fears are rejection and being selfish.
  • Secretly, feel you are being used.
  • Neglect self-care to fit something else into your schedule or give the extra money saved to someone else.
  • Often feel exhausted.
  • Are extremely uncomfortable with free time or extra money.
  • Volunteer for several things at once.
  • No matter how much you “do” you still don’t feel you are good enough.
  • It hurts your feelings when others don’t appreciate your efforts.
  • Try to stuff down your  feelings, desires and dreams.
  • Have loved ones suggest therapy or hiring a life coach.

If you are ready to learn how to say NO in a kind way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

 

Take a Quiz and Find out if it is Time for You to Stop People Pleasing?

Out of all my blogs since Sept 2008, the top 3 most popular ones are on people pleasing. They are 52 Traits of a Chronic People Pleaser, 19 Reasons to Stop People Pleasing, and 10 Affirmations of a Chronic People Pleaser.

That shocks me! Are there that many people suffering from the need to please that they want to get informed and possibly overcome it?

Take this short people pleasing test and see if your chronic niceness is causing you enough stress, unhappiness, and difficulties to want to do something about it.

Is it Time for You to Stop People Pleasing and Start Enjoying your Life?

If you are ready to end the habit of people pleasing now, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

How People Pleasers are Selfish!

I’m not stupid. I know that a people pleaser’s worst fear is to be called selfish. People pleasers rearrange their whole lives so they will not be regarded as selfish. Well, people pleaser, listen up: You. Are. Selfish.  At least consider the possibility that you may have selfish, self-absorbed tendencies by reading and thinking about this.

People Pleasers are Selfish because they…

  • Tend to make everything about themselves. Need some convincing on this one? Start by recalling all the times you apologized for things that couldn’t possibly be your fault. Like your spouse running late to an appointment or for not taking part in a work project that you weren’t even directly asked to participate in. Or maybe you spend a lot of time wringing your hands wondering if someone, even a stranger, is upset over something you may unknowingly have said or done?
  • Are inclined to give only to get. Deep down inside a people pleaser believes doing for others buys them something. They usually expect to be rewarded for their kindness, mostly by appreciation, praise or security.
  • Seldom, if ever, let others experience the joy of giving money or gifts or let others feel better about themselves by asking and letting them help.
  • They hardly ever consider the long-term impact of what they say or do. They’re not interested in how their actions may affect someone else’s well-being down the road as long as it keeps the peace now. A people pleaser, for example, will give the boss exactly what he or she asked for, even if they know it’s not going to help the business advance. A people pleaser will encourage a friend to continue pursuing that unhealthy diet regimen because he or she believes it’s what their friend wants to hear.
  • Would lie to avoid the consequences. An example would be lying when your husband asks if you went shopping to avoid his 5 minute lecture.
  • Neglect people who love them to please strangers who really don’t care.
  • Can carry on a relationship without actually involving the other person with things like, “I know what you will say” and “If I did this I know you will do that.”
  • Let others make their decisions so they don’t have to take responsibility for them.
  • Overpromise and then rarely communicate that they are running behind.
  • Strongly believe they can do tasks faster and better than anyone else so they don’t give anyone a chance. Sharing their knowledge and teaching others how to do it well seldom enters their mind.
  • Want to enable and fix everyone else’s lives but have little desire to fix their own.

If you got this far then one or more of those points must have clicked. Sometimes it takes looking at your worst fear and realizing its staring back at you to overcome this nasty habit of the need to please.

Check out the entire People Pleasing section.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

The Darkside of People Pleasing

It’s as scary as the vampires populating the movie screens and books. And just as seductive: It’s the darkside of needing to please.

A coaching client of mine said she couldn’t see any value in not being too nice until I bluntly explained the huge and scary disadvantages to her. She is now working on stopping this nasty habit.

So here it is as bold and in your face as I can make it…

People Pleasers…

 

1 Want to be “liked” so much because they absolutely loathe themselves. They are constantly criticizing themselves with every move they make, all repeating this common theme “I’m never good enough no matter what I say or do.”

2  Can be extremely dishonest and think nothing of lying to your face, all to avoid the possibility of rejection, disapproval, disappointment and being abandoned.

3  Can easily attract and stay in abusive relationships.

4  Have a tendency to be very selfish. See my blog “How People Pleasers are Selfish.”

5  Tend to surround themselves with mates, relatives, friends, employers, co-workers, and customers that take advantage of their “niceness,” and have very little, if any respect for them as a person.

6  Have a strong need to feel superior to the victims they choose to rescue and console.

7  Would rather be negative and worry themselves sick, and dream up possible nightmarish situations  than be optimistic and focus on happy outcomes.

8  Are haunted by regrets and guilt.

9  Tend to give only to eventually get. They can easily become angry and resentful when they don’t receive either companionship or appreciation in return.

10  Could care less about how anything they say or do affects anyone in the long term. As long as everyone is happy and it keeps the peace now, who cares what happens down the road?

This nightmare of a people-pleasing lifestyle, is something you can wake up from. It is possible to reframe the way you look at your people-pleasing habits and to retrain your actions so your life is no longer something to be feared, but embraced.

 

Other blogs on chronic niceness visit the About People Pleasing section on my website.

To stop the nasty habit of people pleasing and the need to be liked, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

Signs You Need to Stop People Pleasing at Work

This is the year you’ve decided that you’re going to live your dreams, accomplish those set-aside career aspirations and strengthen your relationships. But if you have a need to please – especially at work – it ain’t gonna happen. Know the signs of a People Pleaser at work. If you recognize yourself in the following examples, it’s time to stop. It’s time to change your reactions. It’s time to remember what you really want for yourself.

 

When you…

  • Say yes to practically any task anyone needs done just to be “liked.”
  • Wait to be offered a raise instead of asking for one.
  • Work longer hours than almost everyone else.
  • Allow fellow employees to interrupt and distract your focus constantly.
  • Overprepare for meetings.
  • Strongly believe that the longer and harder you work, the more they will appreciate you.
  • Are comfortable functioning on overload.
  • Have been bypassed for promotions but told they really value you in your current position.
  • Ask for others opinions and direction on even the smallest tasks.
  • Tend to rescue or make excuses for incompetent members of your team.
  • Work on vacation days.
  • Are getting physically ill from the long hours, stress and worry.
  • Stay awake at night with stories you make up about “if I said and did this, they will say and do that.”
  • Expect your boss, co-workers, and customers to appreciate you and your extra work.
  • Have reviews that encourage you to be more aggressive, improve on decision making, and to be more confident.
  • Are told the company will pay for a personal coach for you.

Your career goals and dreams matter. The only one who can make them happen is you. Being a People Pleaser, and putting the needs and expectations of others first may offer some immediate satisfaction. But it’s a fleeting illusion and it doesn’t lead to real joy, real peace.

Check out the entire people pleasing section.

For more advice on being too nice, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

12 Ways to Stop People Pleasing

Either you read some of my previous blogs on being a chronic people pleaser or you self-diagnosed. But you’re ready to do something about it because the people-pleasing habit had wrought havoc on either your health, professional or personal life – maybe all three. Let’s get started!

1 Make your goal in life to be happy instead of being perfect.

2 Make today the first day of the rest of your life and forget your past mistakes.

3 Appreciate what you did right every day. Understand? Did right. Don’t beat yourself up with your woulda, coulda shoulda lists.

4 Start being more proactive instead of reactive.

5 Begin making little decisions to build the trust in yourself.

6 Slow down and get yourself off of auto-pilot. Know you have a choice.

7 Figure out a loving way to say no without lying or confrontation.

8 Stop promising so much.

9 Pay attention to your feelings more than the feelings of others.

10 Do positive affirmations, like “I am loving and lovable all the time.”

11 Realize people pleasing is just a habit, it’s not a personality trait.

12 Stop criticizing yourself for every little thing you think you do wrong.

Many clients of mine have been chronic people pleasers for most of their life. But recovery and rehabilitation is possible. Small steps go a long way toward breaking the habit of saying yes all the time and sacrificing your health and happiness.

Check out the People Pleasing section.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

6 Things Women People Pleasers Don’t Realize

Are you staying at the office longer than anyone else? Do you keep getting passed up for promotions? Did you raise kids that feel they are entitled? Did you get a divorce and still don’t have a clue why?

It’s easy to think nothing about our “people pleasing.” We might even think of it as kind of “endearing. “

Well, all I can say is that I have coached hundreds of women who have let their need to please ruin various aspects of their lives, whether it was their health, finances, careers, or relationships.

Ladies, read these 6 things! It might save you some difficult, painful years.

 

Here Are Things Women People Pleasers Don’t Realize…

1 Your fear of not pleasing, rejection, feeling lonely and isolated will get worse with time. Fear intensifies as the people pleasing continues.

2 Your fear of letting your friends and family down will get so bad that you will actually start hurting their feelings on a steady basis. What you most fear will happen.

3 You are teaching others (especially your daughters) by example that “people need to be nice and perfect to be loved.” There is no such thing as unconditional love. Love has to be earned hour by hour with what you say or do for others.

4 Just by the nature of people pleasing, you attract personal and business relationships with people who tend to be unhappy, self-absorbed, and controlling.  They usually take advantage of your “niceness,” and have very little, if any respect for you as a person.

5 You probably will get sicker and be overweight from suppressing your anger.

6 People pleasing is not embedded in your DNA, nor is it a life sentence. It’s just a HABIT and a way you choose cope with life. I know. I tried for many years to be a people pleaser until I got so miserable I had to really look at my fears and work through them.

Don’t let this happen! The only enemy is fear. When we stop avoiding our fears and learn to get rid of them, the better life will be.

Check out the entire People Pleasing section.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

Disadvantages of Hiring People Pleasers

You read in the Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers, that people pleasers as employees are going to work hard, be considerate and generally go along with whatever new direction the company plans to take. Great, right? You better think about it before you jump on that recruitment wagon.

Here are the Disadvantages of Hiring People who Need to Please…

They usually…

1  Tend to exaggerate situations and can get frightened easily.

2  Require lots of compliments and plenty of appreciation, because they base their self-esteem on what they do for others.

3  Find it really difficult to make decisions so they often rely on others to make decisions.

4  Make it a practice to overapologize.

5  Have trouble being impartial and objective. People pleasers tend to do just about anything that will keep others from displeasing them.

6  Avoid asking for help when they are drowning.

7  Feel insecure when interacting with others.

8  Hold back from saying what they really think.

9  Are unable to direct or manage others.

10  Become the victims of other team members or clients taking advantage of them.

11  Suppress their anger for fear of hurting others.

12  Tend to rescue or make excuses for incompetent members of the team.

13  Suffer burnout or get ill from all the extra work.

Just like anything, hiring a people pleaser as its pros and cons. People pleasers can be excellent employees in the right situations. See the next blog to find out The Best and Worst Time to Hire a People Pleaser.

To stop people pleasing, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers

People who need to please as employees appear to have many positive traits. They’re not going make trouble, they keep their head down, nose to the grindstone, go along and get along and embody many more cliches about working hard.  See if you recognize any employees you’ve hired or even aspects of yourself in this listing of advantages to hiring people pleasers.

Here are the Great Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers…

They are usually…

1  Easily liked by co-workers, clients, and anyone else that walks in your door.

2  Courteous and considerate of others at all times.

3  Hard workers, doing more than their share of the load.

4  Striving to perform perfect work and be perfect employees.

5  Very organized.

6  Team players and cooperative when it comes to the company changing directions.

7  Willing to do jobs no one else will do.

8  Never ask for help or complain.

Sounds like the perfect employee right? Before you jump to hire these people pleasers before anyone else does, see my next blog on some of the downsides, Disadvantages of Hiring People Pleasers.

 

Check out the entire People Pleasing section. 

To stop people pleasing, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

19 Reasons to Stop People Pleasing

Yep, you’ve identified yourself as a people pleaser. Now what? Make the decision to stop the need to please. Not just for yourself – as that’s hard to do for a people pleaser  –  but for everyone else you love. The reasons for ending the cycle of people pleasing, exhaustion and self-defeat can show you the path to a better, more fulfilling life.

Here are Reasons We Would Want to End Our Need to Please…

When we…

1   Never really feel good about ourselves no matter how much we do for others.

2   Are overeating or getting physically sick from all the stress and worry people pleasing causes.

3   Blame others for our lack of time because they keep asking us to do more stuff.

4   Can’t accept help or constantly deflect gifts.

5   Neglect our self-care or our loved ones to please outsiders.

6   Can’t think of anything good to say about ourselves other than we always nice to others and we are not selfish.

7   Lie because we are afraid someone will get upset.

8   Find ourselves apologizing several times a day.

9   Try to provide and control everything in the relationship by pleasing.

10  Waste time with people who are condescending and never ask about how we are doing, much less listen to the answer.

11  Feel like we are in prison with a life sentence.

12  Are Scared about something all the time. Often, it’s about the reactions to what we said or did or what might happen in the future.

13  Silently judge and resent other’s beliefs and behaviors behind their backs.

14  Are scared to death of making mistakes or of not being liked.

15  Have loved ones express concern for us and our need to please. They may recommend getting therapy or a life coach several times.

16  Are highly critical of our past decisions or lack of.

17  Get upset when people don’t appreciate us.

18  Notice our need to please is getting worse.

19  Want a better way to live life.

People pleasers spend a lot of time looking for approval. They never really find it. Are you tired of trying? It might be time to change the way you approach life. You will be happier as will the people you really care about.

 

Check out the entire People Pleasing section.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

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Vickie Champion

Twin Flame Coach & Life Coach
and Adviser
My consistent approach is listening to my intuition, inner guide, or gut feelings to guide me toward helping my clients where they need it the most. Results can be quick and often surprise my clients. My coaching is about achieving results and breaking old patterns. Contact me today to get started:
602-663-2006

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