This video describes different indications that your saying YES has gotten out of hand.

On the surface it seems like people pleasers get so much done. Always running here, running there, doing this and doing that. They work until the wee hours of the night, often seven days a week. How do they keep up that kind of pace? What keeps them so motivated?

 In fact, people pleasers waste a lot of time. Here’s why…

They tend to place being busy as their top priority and being effective as their lowest priority. And this all comes from a deep-seated belief that they need to do something to be loved.

When you’re ready to stop wasting time and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on the need to please, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

By Vickie Champion

In an effort to DO IT ALL and take care of EVERYONE, people pleasers are in a chronic state of not having enough time. Not only that, but they tend to waste the time they have.

 Here’s how People Pleasers Can Waste Time…

They tend to…

• Underestimate the time it takes to accomplish a task.
• Over prepare, just in case.
• Read and respond to a good portion, if not all of their emails.
• Spend extra time looking for and choosing the perfect gift or card.
• Answer the phone no matter what they are doing or how inconvenient it is.
• Go out of their way to communicate in person instead of email because it’s more personal.
• Fix everyone else’s mistakes, whether it’s co-workers, family, friends or even strangers.
• Let clutter build up which makes it hard to focus on anything very well.
• Refuse to ask for help when they are drowning.
• Let interruptions and socializing get in the way.
• Makes it a practice to let others end conversations first, no matter how tight their schedule.
• Work when they are really tired, burning candles at both ends.
• Feel it’s easier to do it themselves, rather than to delegate.
• Let incomplete and unclear communication complicate their task.
• Give long explanations instead of short replies to emails.
• Wait on colleagues who abuse their deadlines.
• Skip allotting the time to think about easiest, fastest way to do something.
• Neglect taking breaks to rest and recharge.

People pleasers will never have enough time, because they won’t take the time to manage and nurture their own lives. Refusing to care for themselves first short-changes the time that they could have enjoying a fulfilling life and sharing that joy with others.

When you’re ready to stop wasting time and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section.  If you need more advice on time management, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

We say YES when inside we’re screaming NO because we believe that the three-lettered word comes bearing gifts. We believe it brings us love, peace and a reward. It’s hard to say NO to what ultimately is an addicting and disempowering habit with the expectation of receiving those three things, isn’t it? But beware. The inability to say NO shows up in our daily lives as a form of self-sabotage.

Here are Some Reasons Why we Say YES When we Want to Say NO…

To…

• Be liked.
• Avoid disappointing others.
• Feel appreciated or earn praise.
• Relieve feeling guilty.
• Reduce our own stress by focusing on others’ needs.
• Feel more righteous or more capable than others.
• Be needed.
• Avoid conflict.
• Stay busy and avoid downtime.
• Feel secure.
• Stay on auto-pilot.
• Make and keep friends and acquaintances.
• Stay in your comfort zone.
• Fix others to avoid fixing themselves.
• Keep addictive behaviors like overeating.
• Blame others for our situation.
• Neglect self-care.
• Avoid appearing selfish.
• Be in control.
• Not hurt other people’s feelings.
• Keep striving to be perfect.
• Be a good person.

Saying YES to people all the time can be an act of cowardice. It keeps you in your own comfort instead of living your truth. When you’re ready to stop the chronic people pleasing and learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section if you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

Saying YES when you want to say NO can make you feel liked or that you’re accomplishing something.  But the harm it does far outweighs these benefits.

Here are Some of the Upsides of Saying NO When you Want to…

You…

• Are liked for who you are as a person, not for giving in.
• Feel better physically without all that stress of overpromising.
• Build your self-esteem from facing and overcoming your fears.
• Impress others by not being an easy target.
• End the constant feeling of being trapped.
• Are able to focus on your own needs, wants, and dreams for a change.
• Can stop worrying so much and begin relaxing a little.
• Start feeling you really are “good enough.”

If you are ready to live a better life and want to learn how to say no in a kind way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.

See my entire People Pleasing section if you need more advice on ways to say no, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.

I’m not stupid. I know that a people pleaser’s worst fear is to be called selfish. People pleasers rearrange their whole lives so they will not be regarded as selfish. Well, people pleaser, listen up: You. Are. Selfish.  At least consider the possibility that you may have selfish, self-absorbed tendencies by reading and thinking about this.

People Pleasers are Selfish because they…

• Tend to make everything about themselves. Need some convincing on this one? Start by recalling all the times you apologized for things that couldn’t possibly be your fault. Like your spouse running late to an appointment or for not taking part in a work project that you weren’t even directly asked to participate in. Or maybe you spend a lot of time wringing your hands wondering if someone, even a stranger, is upset over something you may unknowingly have said or done?

• Are inclined to give only to get. Deep down inside a people pleaser believes doing for others buys them something. They usually expect to be rewarded for their kindness, mostly by appreciation, praise or security.

• Seldom, if ever, let others experience the joy of giving money or gifts or let others feel better about themselves by asking and letting them help.

• They hardly ever consider the long-term impact of what they say or do. They’re not interested in how their actions may affect someone else’s well-being down the road as long as it keeps the peace now. A people pleaser, for example, will give the boss exactly what he or she asked for, even if they know it’s not going to help the business advance. A people pleaser will encourage a friend to continue pursuing that unhealthy diet regimen because he or she believes it’s what their friend wants to hear.

• Would lie to avoid the consequences. An example would be lying when your husband asks if you went shopping to avoid his 5 minute lecture.

• Neglect people who love them to please strangers who really don’t care.

• Can carry on a relationship without actually involving the other person with things like, “I know what you will say” and “If I did this I know you will do that.”

• Let others make their decisions so they don’t have to take responsibility for them.

• Overpromise and then rarely communicate that they are running behind.

• Strongly believe they can do tasks faster and better than anyone else so they don’t give anyone a chance. Sharing their knowledge and teaching others how to do it well seldom enters their mind.

• Want to enable and fix everyone else’s lives but have little desire to fix their own.

If you got this far then one or more of those points must have clicked. Sometimes it takes looking at your worst fear and realizing its staring back at you to overcome this nasty habit of the need to please.

Check out the entire People Pleasing section.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

People who need to please as employees appear to have many positive traits. They’re not going make trouble, they keep their head down, nose to the grindstone, go along and get along and embody many more cliches about working hard.  See if you recognize any employees you’ve hired or even aspects of yourself in this listing of advantages to hiring people pleasers.

Here are the Great Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers…

They are usually…

1  Easily liked by co-workers, clients, and anyone else that walks in your door.

2  Courteous and considerate of others at all times.

3  Hard workers, doing more than their share of the load.

4  Striving to perform perfect work and be perfect employees.

5  Very organized.

6  Team players and cooperative when it comes to the company changing directions.

7  Willing to do jobs no one else will do.

8  Never ask for help or complain.

Sounds like the perfect employee right? Before you jump to hire these people pleasers before anyone else does, see my next blog on some of the downsides, Disadvantages of Hiring People Pleasers.

Check out the entire People Pleasing section. 

To stop people pleasing, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.