Guilt Archives | Vickie Champion

Two Signs You Might be Using Money to Relieve Your Guilt!

Sometimes we think money can solve all our problems and using it to try to alleviate our guilty feelings is one of them.

Here’s Two Signs we Might be Using Money to Relieve Our Guilt…

When we…

1 Catch ourselves using words like “I need to”, “I should” I have to”, “I ought to,” and I’ve got to.”

Examples are…

“I need to pick up the tab today, because he lent me some money last week.”

“I ought to take my wife out to dinner. She’s always cooking for me.”

“I should make my kids beneficiaries to my estate, even though they haven’t called or dropped by in months.”

“I have to let my husband buy that digital camera. I feel so guilty that we’re fighting about money all the time.”

“I’ve got to buy my brother and sister-in-law an anniversary gift because they bought us one.”

2 Put our “dreams” on the back burner.

Example…

“I’ll start saving for a new BMW when the kids get on their feet.”

The reason we use money this way is to relieve some of our guilt. It never really works. That’s why it becomes more and more expensive.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

How to Get Rid of Feeling Guilty!

You don’t have to be stuck with that churning feeling in your gut called guilt. Many times we don’t even consider whether guilt is something we can overcome. We just assume we must live with it like a bad haircut. But guilt can be transformed.

Warning! Before you read this blog, you might want to read the blog on “What is Guilt?” so this will make more sense.

Remember guilt is nothing more than making up a rule or belief we think we need to follow and then breaking it.

Here are Three Ways to Release Guilt:

1 We can make up a NEW rule to follow.

An example is:
The original rule was “Good parents spend time with their kids.” If we change it to “Good parents love their children,” the guilt releases.

2 We can THROW OUT the old rule completely.

An example is:
The original rule was “In order to lose weight, I have to stay on this diet.” Simply toss out the old rule with a thought of, “Thanks for sharing, but I don’t believe that rule any longer. I can lose weight in hundreds of ways.”

3 We can admit we did something that didn’t BUILD our self-esteem and then do something about it that WILL.

An example is:
The original rule might have been “Good sales people offer customers products that would be good for them.” Rather than selling your client a product to earn a commission, you decide instead to follow your original rule whether you get paid for it or not.

Guilt feels awful. But it doesn’t have to continue to eat us up inside. We can begin to see guilt as a signal that something about our beliefs or behaviors need to change.

Other info on feeling guilt by Vickie Champion you might be interested in are:

What is Guilt?

The Guilt Cycle

6 Reasons Women Feel Guilty

9 Things That Can Cause Anyone Guilt

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

By Vickie Champion

8 Examples of How We Use Money to Relieve Guilt

Common Reasons we use money to Relieve GUILT:

Buying flowers for your wife because you feel ashamed for cheating on her.

Paying for a full-time companion for your elderly mother because you feel like a bad daughter for not wanting to visit her daily.

Sending a Christmas card to someone because they sent you one instead of mailing it because you would have whether or not they sent you one.

Giving to relatives who ask financial help because you feel guilty you have more money than them.

Allowing your son in his ‘20s to live with you rent free because you feel bad about working when he was young.

Spending money on a diet plan that you know you won’t follow because of your binge eating.

Keeping gifts that you don’t like, are broken, or hide because you would feel guilty if you got rid of them. See A Story About Overcoming Guilt.

Buying your kids everything they want because you’ve chosen a job that requires a lot of your time.

Of course, it takes more than money to really relieve your guilt. Overcoming guilt is an “inner” job. See all my other blogs to understand why.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

A Story About Overcoming Guilt

I often tell this story because it reminds me how much I need others to help open my mind and how we can sometimes transform our guilt into something positive.

THE STORY

Just before my grandmother passed away, she made me a bright pink and raspberry red throw for the couch. If you know me, you know bright, bold colors are not my style.

Even though I was plagued with guilt, for several years I was unable to even get it out of the bag and use it. I had so much guilt, I discussed this with my life coach at the time and she said ”If you don’t like it, it wasn’t really made for you. You’re only supposed to deliver it to the rightful owner.”

I had an “ah-hah” moment.

Relieved of guilt, I put the throw in a garage sale. I wanted to sell it to the right person, someone who would love it. I got many offers, but it didn’t feel right until I noticed this young girl looking at it. She told me the throw was the most beautiful thing she had seen, but she didn’t have enough money to buy it. I told the girl about my grandmother. Then I told her she could have the throw. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes.

I thought my grandmother had given me a throw. Instead she gave me an unbelievable experience that still brings tears to my eyes. I never will forget this wonderful gift.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

6 Reasons Why Women Feel So Guilty

Because a popular topic in coaching sessions with women clients is “how to overcome guilt,” it got me thinking. Why are my women client’s plagued with this and it never comes up in the sessions with the men?

I did some research on guilt and was not surprised to see it referred to as the “women’s disease.” See if you recognize yourself or the women in your life in any of these symptoms.

Common Reasons Women Feel so Guilty…

Women tend to…

1 Put others first no matter what. We’ll do and buy things for everyone else and then feel guilty when we consider those things for ourselves. Men tend to think they are at least equal to others.

2 Worry about everything from being in debt, if the furniture just purchased is the right color, to whether something they said might have possibly hurt someone’s feelings. Men tend to put their focus on achieving their dreams.

3 Be perfectionists. If we make mistakes, we feel guilty. Men tend to think mistakes are a way to find out what won’t work.

4 Believe saying “no” is not loving and downright wrong. Then we are programmed every time we do say “no” to feel guilty. Men tend to use their gut instincts. They know some of the time the right thing to do and most loving is to say “yes” and some of the time it is to say “no.”

5 Reflect and analyze more than men. In turn that causes us to judge ourselves and feel guilty.

6 Take control. We go to extremes with this—trying to hold everything
together like helping the kids with their homework, decorating our home, buying gifts for relatives, planning holidays, making sure there is something in the fridge, taking care of our aging parents, and paying all the bills, just to name a few. Then, as if that wasn’t enough control, we take responsibility for others’ feelings, do their chores, and try solving their problems the whole time boasting about our multi-tasking. Men tend to think their world won’t fall apart if they drop the ball.

Did any of those reasons women feel guilty find you nodding along? We really need to pay attention and learn from the guys. They are showing us by example how to live our lives the easier way, without guilt.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

9 Things That Can Cause Anyone A Lot of Guilt

Feeling poorly about yourself? Like you could and should do better? Maybe it’s guilt. Guilt acts as a negative detour in your life, prohibiting you from taking care of yourself, being kind to yourself and pursuing your dreams, among other things.

Here are Nine Reasons my Life and Business Coaching Clients Give for Feeling Guilty…

1 Filing bankruptcy.

2 Not doing it all, being the super mom or dad.

3 Getting divorced.

4 Ending a relationship.

5 Gaining weight.

6 Not caring for your elderly parents properly.

7 Cheating on your spouse.

8 Losing a loved one.

9 Not working.

I am exploring guilt in this series because so many of my clients suffer from it. Some do not even know that it is guilt that is sabotaging them.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

10 Popular Things that Women Feel Guilty Over

Women collect, feed and refuse to let them go. Men? Not so much. I’m talking about reasons to feel guilty. Women are often serial guilt-hoarders. Storing so much guilt inside their bodies and lives and then when encouraged to release some of it, they decline. In all my years as a business and life coach, the number of women struggling daily with guilt issues far out number the men.

Popular Things Women Feel Guilty Over are…

1 Eating forbidden foods, you know, the ones full of sugar.

2 Balancing life as a working mom.

3 Doing nothing. We think we need to fix everything for everybody.

4 Eating chocolate.

5 Relaxing.

6 Not having a knock-em dead body.

7 Spending too much money.

8 Not doing more to take care of our parents.

9 Spending money on self-growth, hobbies, or self-care like massages. An exception is if anything is used to achieve a knock-em dead body.

10 Receiving praise we feel is undeserved.
Women have cornered the market when it comes to feeling guilty. Women take on a lot of responsibility and when they refuse to meet their own expectations they feel guilty.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

The Guilt Cycle

Notice how no matter what we do to relieve guilt it never fades away? It’s like a never ending cycle. I’ll explain why.

1 Remember, the only way we can feel guilty is to start with making up a rule we think we need to follow and then try to follow it.

Example… Loving mothers stay home when their kids are young.

2 We start feeling deprived.

Example… We need more money to pay the bills.

3 We then break the rule.

Example… We get a job.

4 We begin to feel guilty about breaking the rule.

Example… We think we are hurting our kids in some way.

5 We try to relieve the guilt.

Example… We buy our kids some extra toys to make up for it.

And here we go again…

1 We create another rule to follow to relieve the guilt.

Example… Good mothers who work give their kids anything they want.

2 We feel deprived again.

Example… There is still not enough money to pay all the bills.

3 We then discard the original rule to follow the current rule.

Example… Then we work longer hours to get a promotion or take on an extra job.

And so on…

You can contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.

Feel Worthy COURSE

This self-study program helps you change the mindset you have about yourself to be able to finally feel worthy. For more details.

Also check out the Quiz, How Worthy Do You Feel?

What is Guilt?

Hey, you know that unsettled feeling in your stomach? The hang-your-head, slink-away, don’t-even-look-at-me feeling? It’s guilt. You know it when you feel it and you may even know what’s causing it. But do you know what guilt is?

Guilt is nothing more than making up a rule we think we need to follow and then breaking it.

Examples are:

The rule might be “In order to lose weight, I have to stay on this diet.” Then you break the rule buying eating a piece of chocolate. This causes enormous guilt.

The rule could be “Good parents spend time with their kids.” Then you get busy at work and neglect them which causes guilt.

The rule might be “Good sales people offer customers products what would be good for them.” Because your company has discontinued paying commissions on what would be best for your client, you sell them something else. You feel guilty.

Watch for my upcoming blogs that deal with how to get rid of guilt. You don’t have to absorb guilt and bear its weight like an over-packed shoulder bag. Learn my tools, tips and tricks for easing and eliminating the guilt.

You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session on overcoming your guilt.

Two Signs You Might be Using Money to Relieve Your Guilt!

Here’s Two Signs we Might be Using Money to Relieve Our Guilt…