It seems we are living in a period of time when voicing opinions and taking a side on any subject has become the new “normal.” It’s extremely hard not to take a side on most things, whether it’s climate change, labor rights, or who’s to blame for a car accident.
When Taking a Side is “Neutral” and When It Can Go Against Us
Sometimes voicing an opinion or taking a side are choices or preferences, such as “I prefer chicken instead of fish” or “I choose to put my money in this bank instead of that bank.” But other times our opinions are judgments closing up our mind and making the other side just plain “wrong.”
Anytime we cast blame or see ourselves or anyone else as a victim, we have taken a judgmental side.
___
How Taking a Judgmental Side Can Go Against Us
One Way Taking a Judgmental Side Can Go Against Us is…
1 WITH RELATIONSHIPS
Taking a judgmental side can easily cause conflict with others, such as having a heated argument, others being afraid to express their view, or others avoiding you altogether.
Taking sides this way shuts down communication often creating friction and disagreements—fighting to be “right” claiming the other side is “wrong.”
Signs We Might be Taking a Judgmental Side
When we…
- Raise our voice discussing the subject. We could even end up shouting.
- Express or imply others should be punished for being “wrong.”
- Catch ourselves exaggerating some things to prove our point.
- Get angry with the others.
- Put down others who are not on our side. We could even call them names, such as “idiots,” especially behind their backs.
- Are not pleasant to be around.
___
Another Way Taking a Judgmental Side Can Go Against Us is…
2 MAKE US FEAR RETALIATION
If we are taking a judgmental side and the other side seems to be winning, we will almost always be afraid they will take revenge.
This next sentence is really important!
We can’t be afraid of retaliation if we haven’t judged the other side as “wrong.”
Some examples of fearing retaliation…
- We might keep our guns loaded to protect ourselves.
- We might want to move to another country.
Before making a sacrifice or doing something we might regret later, we could ask ourselves,
- “Am I thinking about this action ONLY because I’m afraid of something?”
- “Would I even consider doing _________ (fill in the blank) if ___________ (fill in the blank) didn’t occur or wasn’t happening?”
It’s better to move towards something we want to experience, than away from something we don’t want to experience.
HOW TO STOP BEING AFRAID OF REVENGE
At any time, if we stop judging the other side, the fear of them hurting us in some way will disappear.
The only thing that can truly help or hurt us is our thoughts, attitudes, and perceptions about what’s happening. When we stop judging, it can change our experience of it and the consequences.
___
Another Way Taking a Judgmental Side Can Go Against Us is…
3 THAT IT CAN MAKE US SLACK OFF FROM DOING OUR INNER WORK
Inner work is a practice of focusing on controlling our thoughts, perceptions, and attitudes, to be able to tap into insights from a higher source.
Every thought we think has an effect.
So, by the time thoughts materialize into an emotion, there have been lots of thoughts in that same direction.
How Can We Tell if We Are Slacking Off
One way to tell if we are not doing our inner work is by noticing how we feel. How we feel is a good indication of what we are thinking and what kind of effects it will produce.
Some Emotions and Feelings Might be…
1 Anger
2 Disappointment
3 Frustration
4 Impatience
5 Sadness
6 Fear
IMPORTANT!
The only time we can get angry, disappointed, frustrated, impatient, sad, or afraid is if we expect ourselves, someone else, or anything else to be different. And it isn’t. In other words, we get upset when things don’t go the way we want them to.
One of the problems with not doing our inner work is we will not be at peace until we do.
___
Another Thing Taking a Side Can Do to Us is…
4 BLOCK OUR INTUITIVE GUIDANCE
When we are taking a judgmental side, we are locking ourselves into a certain opinion, usually with no leeway. That makes it extremely difficult or impossible to be open to intuitive insights. We’ve got to get to neutral or not invested in making someone “wrong” before we are willing to pay attention to a higher source.
___
How to Stop Taking a Judgmental Side
One way to stop taking a judgmental side is…
1 TO CHANGE OUR FOCUS
When we take a judgmental side thinking the other side is “wrong,” we want to “be right.” Instead, raise the bar, and switch the focus to wanting to learn how to “unconditionally love.”
___
Another way to stop taking a judgmental side is…
2 TO SURRENDER THE ISSUE TO A HIGHER SOURCE
Only a Higher Source knows every aspect of every situation and can work it out so everyone and everything wins. All we have to do is ask for that to happen.
Example of what to think…
“Higher Source, I hand you the issue of climate change. I want everyone, every corporation, every animal, every plant, and everything to win, and I don’t care how that’s done. Let me not judge you!”
___
Another way to stop taking a judgmental side is…
3 TO SEND LOVING THOUGHTS TO THE OTHER SIDE
Some Loving Thoughts We Could Send…
“Let me see (name or group) at peace with everyone and everything.”
“Let me see (name) loving and lovable all the time.”
WARNING!
If you switch the words “Let me see” to “I want” it hardly ever gives you any relief because it’s still judging them. Beginning with “Let me see” helps change both your perception and who you are sending it to.
Example of the judgmental way to send loving thoughts…
“I want (name or group) to be at peace with everyone and everything.”
“I want (name) to be loving and lovable all the time.”
___
I have two QUIZZES that may help you deal with stressful events…
Is the Changing World Stressing You Out?
How Often Do You Listen to Your Intuition?
Also, check out the Inner Work and Intuition sections on my website.
And, if you need an advisor to help you on your quest, contact Vickie Champion for a coaching and consulting session at a discounted price.