Because a popular topic in coaching sessions with women clients is “how to overcome guilt,” it got me thinking. Why are my women client’s plagued with this and it never comes up in the sessions with the men?
I did some research on guilt and was not surprised to see it referred to as the “women’s disease.” See if you recognize yourself or the women in your life in any of these symptoms.
Common Reasons Women Feel so Guilty…
Women tend to…
1 Put others first no matter what. We’ll do and buy things for everyone else and then feel guilty when we consider those things for ourselves. Men tend to think they are at least equal to others.
2 Worry about everything from being in debt, if the furniture just purchased is the right color, to whether something they said might have possibly hurt someone’s feelings. Men tend to put their focus on achieving their dreams.
3 Be perfectionists. If we make mistakes, we feel guilty. Men tend to think mistakes are a way to find out what won’t work.
4 Believe saying “no” is not loving and downright wrong. Then we are programmed every time we do say “no” to feel guilty. Men tend to use their gut instincts. They know some of the time the right thing to do and most loving is to say “yes” and some of the time it is to say “no.”
5 Reflect and analyze more than men. In turn that causes us to judge ourselves and feel guilty.
6 Take control. We go to extremes with this—trying to hold everything
together like helping the kids with their homework, decorating our home, buying gifts for relatives, planning holidays, making sure there is something in the fridge, taking care of our aging parents, and paying all the bills, just to name a few. Then, as if that wasn’t enough control, we take responsibility for others’ feelings, do their chores, and try solving their problems the whole time boasting about our multi-tasking. Men tend to think their world won’t fall apart if they drop the ball.
Did any of those reasons women feel guilty find you nodding along? We really need to pay attention and learn from the guys. They are showing us by example how to live our lives the easier way, without guilt.
You can also contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session to overcome your guilt.