I’m not stupid. I know that a people pleaser’s worst fear is to be called selfish. People pleasers rearrange their whole lives so they will not be regarded as selfish. Well, people pleaser, listen up: You. Are. Selfish.  At least consider the possibility that you may have selfish, self-absorbed tendencies by reading and thinking about this.

It’s as scary as the vampires populating the movie screens and books. And just as seductive: It’s the darkside of needing to please.
 
A coaching client of mine said she couldn’t see any value in not being too nice until I bluntly explained the huge and scary disadvantages to her. She is now working on stopping this nasty habit.
 

So here it is as bold and in your face as I can make it…

People Pleasers…

This is the year you’ve decided that you’re going to live your dreams, accomplish those set-aside career aspirations and strengthen your relationships. But if you have a need to please – especially at work – it ain’t gonna happen. Know the signs of a People Pleaser at work. If you recognize yourself in the following examples, it’s time to stop. It’s time to change your reactions. It’s time to remember what you really want for yourself.

When you…

• Say yes to practically any task anyone needs done just to be “liked.”

Either you read some of my previous blogs on being a chronic people pleaser or you self-diagnosed. But you’re ready to do something about it because the people-pleasing habit had wrought havoc on either your health, professional or personal life – maybe all three. Let’s get started!
 

1 Make your goal in life to be happy instead of being perfect.

2 Make today the first day of the rest of your life and forget your past mistakes.

3 Appreciate what you did right every day. Understand? Did right. Don’t beat yourself up with your woulda, coulda shoulda lists.

Are you staying at the office longer than anyone else? Do you keep getting passed up for promotions? Did you raise kids that feel they are entitled? Did you get a divorce and still don’t have a clue why? 

It’s easy to think nothing about our “people pleasing.” We might even think of it as kind of “endearing. “

Well, all I can say is that I have coached hundreds of women who have let their need to please ruin various aspects of their lives, whether it was their health, finances, careers, or relationships.

You read in the Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers, that people pleasers as employees are going to work hard, be considerate and generally go along with whatever new direction the company plans to take. Great, right? You better think about it before you jump on that recruitment wagon.
 

Here are the Disadvantages of Hiring People who Need to Please…

They usually…

1  Tend to exaggerate situations and can get frightened easily.

2  Require lots of compliments and plenty of appreciation, because they base their self-esteem on what they do for others.

People who need to please as employees appear to have many positive traits. They’re not going make trouble, they keep their head down, nose to the grindstone, go along and get along and embody many more cliches about working hard.  See if you recognize any employees you’ve hired or even aspects of yourself in this listing of advantages to hiring people pleasers.
 

Here are the Great Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers…

They are usually…

1  Easily liked by co-workers, clients, and anyone else that walks in your door.

2  Courteous and considerate of others at all times.

Yep, you’ve identified yourself as a people pleaser. Now what? Make the decision to stop the people pleasing. Not just for yourself – as that’s hard to do for a people pleaser  –  but for everyone else you love. The reasons for ending the cycle of people pleasing, exhaustion and self-defeat can show you the path to a better, more fulfilling life.
 

Here are Reasons We Would Want to End Our Need to Please…

When we…

1   Never really feel good about ourselves no matter how much we do for others.