People pleasing is rampant. As a life and small business coach, I’ve seen the need to please destroy people’s health, relationships and dreams. It begins with simply saying YES when they want to say NO. The ingrained habit runs deep. It can be a cage that people doubt they can be free of, even when the door is opened. Through the years, I’ve developed an understanding of the destructive pattern. I’ve learned it’s possible to open this cage door and walk thought it with love so that no one gets hurt.
Saying YES when you want to say NO can make you feel liked or that you’re accomplishing something. But the harm it does far outweighs these benefits.
Here are Some of the Upsides of Saying NO When you Want to...
Everyone says an occasional YES when they really wanted to say NO. This list, however, is for those of us who have allowed our inability to say NO compromise our mental health, relationships, work, finances and our bodies.
Here are some Signs it’s Time to Learn How to Say NO…
Feel guilty if you say no.
Usually work into the wee hours to make a deadline.
Put saying yes on auto-pilot.
Can’t remember when you turned someone down.
Think saying NO is selfish.
As a life coach, I get emails like these every week.
“I am going through a very difficult time filled with stress and a low mood. I am discovering that a lot of this is self-caused because I truly believe I am a chronic people pleaser and it's ruining my life. I need help desperately and want to turn my life around and start living.”
Here’s another one.
“Vickie, I read your list of 52 traits of people pleasers and that is me! Especially at work, I take everything personally, I want everyone to like me, and I go out of my way to pacify people. If I do confront them, I end up apologizing for "getting out of control!" I need help.
Can you identify with these people at all? Even if it's just a smidgen, you probably know there's a better way to live. If you are fed up with your chronic niceness and need to please, watch my video series on Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing- Saying Yes When You Want to Say No.
Since July 2011, I have been co-creating several personal growth videos with a heart-centered client of mine, Diane Bolden. The video series asks powerful questions to help people get real about where they are and where they want to go. Diane is a natural on camera. And through this re-telling of a classic tale she guides people on the intuitive path so the stuck, numbness and buried shame of who we think we should be gives way to a more authentic, rewarding, and joyful way of living.
I am honored to participate in a series that’s intuition based – makes sense, right? I’m behind the camera: filming, directing, editing, developing and co-writing the material. I’m proud of the work we’ve done. But more than that I’m excited by what the series has led us to discover and that it might, for you, lead to a wholehearted celebration of choosing your right/your real/your authentic path.
I hope you can join us. Look for On the Road to Real… The Adventures of Pistachio by October 2012!
If you need help on how to get on the road to real, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.