Everyone multitasks to some extent but it can easily become a lifestyle of trying to stay BUSY. Here are some of the disadvantages…

You tend to...

• Believe quantity is way more important than quality.

• Skip prioritizing your tasks, eliminating things that don’t really need to be done.

• Ignore long-term goals or focus on achieving your wildest dreams.

• Disregard your intuition.

• Have more shallow relationships.

• Have an illusion of competence.

• Become emotionally dependent on having a large to do list and a constant access to technology.

Everyone talks about how horrible doing several things at one time is, but there are some great advantages, too.

You...

• Call yourself an expert multitasker.

• Don’t have to waste time prioritizing.

• Save money not hiring helpers.

• Can eliminate the words rest and relax from your vocabulary.

• Get your highs from the sense of urgency that it imposes.

• Eliminate the concept of quality time.

• Prevent procrastination.

• Have days, weeks, months, and years go by quickly.

I was going through my annual decluttering and came across my high school senior yearbook. This time, instead of just putting it back in the box I looked through it.

I was in yearbook class and designed the cover, title pages, and most of the page layouts.  I didn’t know it at the time but that was the start of my 25-year career in graphic arts and publishing. So maybe I kept hanging onto it because it was part of my history  -- a point of pride.

About this time a year, I take a few hours or days to declutter. I go through every nook and cranny in my office and my home. What to keep? What to toss? I use a process of asking myself questions and then let my intuition or gut feelings guide me.

Here are the questions I ask…

1  Do I feel better or worse when I think about this? Lots of times we keep things hanging around that make us feel bad about ourselves or our lives and we don’t realize how much negative energy it has.

If you’re like almost everyone else, you don’t have enough hours in a day. At the end of the day, you don’t know where the day went. And then you don’t know where the year went and before you know it you won’t know where your life went. It doesn’t have to be like that.  It shouldn’t be like that.

Here’s How to Extend and Increase your Time…

• Change the focus from quantity to quality. Stop trying to pack your day with “have to’s” and “shoulds” and start being more selective with “want to’s” and “would love to’s.”

Like most people who attempt to study A Course in Miracles (ACIM), at first I to was lucky to understand even one sentence on a whole page.  All I knew was my intuition was nudging me to learn concepts in this blue book. ACIM was the only self-help book that didn’t contradict itself. So I figured if nothing else, it was written by someone or something greater than me.  

Three other women and I meet every couple of weeks or so and we have an amazing time no matter what we do. Being the person I am, I had to explore why? Why do we all look forward to the time we are together? Why do the hours pass by so quickly and we all dread saying good-bye? What makes them so special?

We all come from different parts of the country, different backgrounds, different professions, different goals, and our ages vary by as much as 21 years.  

In the previous blog we talked about the criteria for deciding the best pastime in the world. Drum roll…….  Thinking is the best hobby in the world.

Here’s Why…

Thinking is available to every human on earth.

Thinking costs nothing to do.

Thinking impacts more things than all of the others combined.

Thinking can give us the most relaxation and pleasure.

Thinking can make us happy.

Thinking can give us energy.

Thinking can make everything you do easy and fun.

Thinking can solve our problems.

Thinking can take away all our guilt.

What pastime could be considered a Top 10 hobby or perhaps even the best? This activity stands head-and-shoulders above others, no matter your stage, station or orientation in life.

Here is the criteria I used…

What leisure activity…

• Could provide the most relaxation and pleasure?

• Is available to the most people?

• Would be considered affordable to most people?

• Could be done in most geographic areas?

• Would apply to most any time of the day?

• Applies to the broadest age group?

Part of my Road to Real is working on my appearance. In 7 months, I have had a heck of a time losing any substantial weight or inches. I’ve been on a few different diets, consulted doctors and experts, hired a physical trainer, attended yoga, and have adjusted and readjusted my hormone medications.

Here’s what fascinates me. People tell me all the time that I look better. You’ve done something different, they say. But the only thing I have done that might be getting results is positive affirmations.

People pleasing is rampant. As a life and business coach, I’ve seen the need to please destroy people’s health, relationships and dreams. It begins with simply saying YES when they want to say NO. The ingrained habit runs deep. It can be a cage that people doubt they can be free of, even when the door is opened. Through the years, I’ve developed an understanding of the destructive pattern. I’ve learned it’s possible to open this cage door and walk thought it with love so that no one gets hurt.  

We say YES when inside we’re screaming NO because we believe that the three-lettered word comes bearing gifts. We believe it brings us love, peace and a reward. It’s hard to say NO to what ultimately is an addicting and disempowering habit with the expectation of receiving those three things, isn’t it? But beware. The inability to say NO shows up in our daily lives as a form of self-sabotage.

Here are Some Reasons Why we Say YES When we Want to Say NO...

To…

• Be liked.

• Avoid disappointing others.

• Feel appreciated or earn praise.

Saying YES when you want to say NO can make you feel liked or that you’re accomplishing something.  But the harm it does far outweighs these benefits.

Here are Some of the Upsides of Saying NO When you Want to...

You…

• Are liked for who you are as a person, not for giving in.

• Feel better physically without all that stress of overpromising.

• Build your self-esteem from facing and overcoming your fears.

• Impress others by not being an easy target.

• End the constant feeling of being trapped.

The reason people pleasers stay stuck in saying “yes” when they really want to say “no” is that they receive some benefit. Saying yes all the time, while potentially derailing a person’s dreams, does provide a pay off.

Here are Some of the Benefits of Saying YES When you Want to Say NO...

To…

• Be liked for giving in.

• Avoid those disappointing looks.

• Prevent whining and begging pleas.

• Keep overeating and getting physically sick from all the overpromising.

• Continue building your reputation as an easy target.

Everyone says an occasional YES when they really wanted to say NO. This list, however, is for those of us who have allowed our inability to say NO compromise our mental health, relationships, work, finances and our bodies.

Here are some Signs it’s Time to Learn How to Say NO… 

When you…

• Feel guilty if you say no.

• Usually work into the wee hours to make a deadline.

• Put saying yes on auto-pilot.

• Can’t remember when you turned someone down.

• Think saying NO is selfish.

When we’re not in the moment we may lose track of time, but instead of feeling our time was well spent we wonder where it went.  Seconds, minutes, hours, years:  let’s make them count by more fully claiming our experience. Pause from time to time and observe. Are you living in the moment? We know we are not…

When we...

• Daydream

• Are on auto-pilot

• Judge

• Have attachments to the outcome

• Are afraid

• Think we know the answer from past experiences

• Don't have enough time

• Get impatient

Focus and delight collide when we’re in the moment. So does wonder and understanding.  And peace and clarity. We may have spent decades spending our lives thinking about the past thing or the next thing, but it takes very little effort to learn to stay in the moment.

When we want to be fully present, we can...

• Be aware of our thoughts about the past or the future. Train your mind to bring your thoughts back to the present moment. I tell my mind, "Thanks for sharing, but I'm only concerned with right now."

Our ability to be fully in the moment requires our willingness.  Our willingness to regularly bathe in it, inhabit it and ALLOW it. What we receive from staying in the moment and being open to everything that arises from it are gifts.

When we are in the present moment, we can...

• Have an amazing experience.

• Feel enormous amounts of appreciation.

• Respect everyone and everything.

• Understand the real meaning of love.

• Feel free from fear. 

• Release worn out habits.

• Hear clearly our intuition. 

• Feel extremely connected.

When you’re in the moment, time is not an issue. Effort is not an issue. ‘What’s next?’ is not an issue. It’s being in harmony and it’s the way you were meant to live your life.
 
Being in the moment is…

• Becoming engaged in whatever we're doing - completely.

• Developing a different perspective of the present moment and taking in all that it has to offer.

• Not something we make happen, it is something we let happen.

• Something we experience.

Not being in the flow is about pushing, instead of allowing. It’s about controlling, instead of listening. It’s about resenting, instead of receiving. How do you know you’re not in the zone? You feel it. You feel frazzled and worn down from fighting one obstacle after another. Where do those feelings come from? Read on.

We’re NOT “in the Flow” When we...

• Play phone tag.

• Have misunderstandings with people.

• Misplace items.

• Have freak accidents.                         

• Get confused easily.

• Work hard and get very little done.

• Try unsuccessfully to contact someone.

Living in the flow is not so much a destination as a way to get wherever you’re going with more ease and joy.  Tapping into the flow is a way of moving through life with more energy and zest and less anxiety and lists of shoulds & coulds.  The flow puts you in touch with everything you need and helps you to pass on by what you don’t.  It’s an easier way to live.

Here are some things that can develop and fine-tune our ability to "Be in the Flow"...

1. Establish the intent to "be in the flow."

As a life coach, I get emails like these every week.  
“I am going through a very difficult time filled with stress and a low mood. I am discovering that a lot of this is self-caused because I truly believe I am a chronic people pleaser and it's ruining my life.  I need help desperately and want to turn my life around and start living.”

Here’s another one. 
“Vickie, I read your list of 52 traits of people pleasers and that is me!  Especially at work, I take everything personally, I want everyone to like me, and I go out of my way to pacify people. If I do confront them, I end up apologizing for "getting out of control!"  I need help. 
 
Can you identify with these people at all?  Even if it's just a smidgen, you probably know there's a better way to live.  If you are fed up with your chronic niceness and need to please, watch my video series on Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing- Saying Yes When You Want to Say No.

We all want more of those delicious moments when you seem to wake from a place of total contentment, ease and joy. What was that? It was called being in the flow. And you didn’t wake from it, it’s the way your reality really can be. It’s possible to experience being in the zone moment to moment – to flow from one thing to the next. Being in the flow is not an out there concept. In fact, you probably experience flow more than you think. One way to cultivate more flow is simply to recognize the state of being there.

Being in the flow is easy, relaxed, involuntarily. It happens without thought. You've experienced this flow before and probably not even know it. It happens when you're watching TV with the family, finding yourself out enjoying nature or being "in the zone" at work. You are happy, calm and alert. In other words, you are in a state of non-resistance. Work is less of a struggle, relationships are more harmonious and our emotions and desires are working together.
 
A natural synchronicity is occurring. We meet the right people at exactly the right time, we get the good parking spaces and money is coming to us more easily.

It’s so easy to get in the habit of overlooking the little things that happen day to day.  Or to keep telling yourself it doesn’t matter, when it does.
 

If we only knew that not paying attention and being honest with ourselves and others is slowly killing us and our relationship.
The third way to prepare for an ideal relationship is to…

Practice being truthful to yourself and others all the time.
 

This is probably the hardest concept to grasp, much less believe in. So, just for a moment, throw out everything you were taught by your parents and practically every other couple you have come in contact with and think about this…
 
The second way to prepare for an ideal relationship is to…

Understand making sacrifices and compromises are not required.

It’s so easy to think we just haven’t found the right one. Or to get wrapped up in feeling sorry for ourselves because we haven’t found our prince/princess charming.

Before you spend a lifetime stuck in the boo-hoo’s praying and waiting for a relationship to rescue you or as Jerry Maguire says to “complete you,” think about this…
 
The only thing that can improve the quality of our lives is our own thoughts. When we first meet someone it seems we found the perfect woman/man but soon the newness starts wearing off and our judging, and not-so-positive thoughts start creeping in to ruin it.
 
So the first way to prepare for an ideal relationship is to…

Every month, your bank account gets smaller, and you don't know where the money is going. You never seem to have enough to cover the bills, and there are more surprise expenses lurking around every corner. Are you frustrated, scared, and don't know where to turn for help? Do you need a miracle?

You can have one, and it is your power to give yourself. If there is one thing you could do right now that would drastically turn around your financial situation it is to make and follow a budget.

38 Miracles a Budget Can Do for You:

It would...

I had a client ask me in a coaching session how to get yourself to make a commitment. I had to take time and really think about the process I just went through.
 
I have never let myself feel sexy. Since the age of 6, I have been overweight – from 30 to 100 pounds -- and I have never believed my facial features were very attractive either. So I resigned myself to a life of making due, blech!, with what I was given and learning to love myself anyway. Recently, my intuition and a series of events nudged me into committing to feel as sexy as I could. Read my blog on Define Feeling Sexy to understand what I mean.
 

In the previous blog What Makes an Amazing Relationship? we discussed that the ability to have and keep that ideal relationship is all about your own mindset. 
 
I’ve noticed in my life that the kind of relationships that I have only reflect my self-esteem at the time. And the ability to hold onto those great relationships is directly related to my need to sabotage it. When my “I’m not good enoughs” start outweighing my “I deserve its” then the relationship falls apart and we break up.
 
Through my own experience, observing others and in my life coaching practice, I have studied a few amazing, some good and a whole lot of bad relationships.
 
My conclusion is this…
Anyone can have an amazing relationship if they want it bad enough to do the inner work to attract and keep it.
 
The upcoming blogs will explain more about how to prepare for an amazing connection.
 
If you need help on preparing for an amazing relationship, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

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How often have you made a New Year's resolution and never achieved it? How many times did you start out full of determination and willingness to exert effort to succeed, but somehow lost the momentum three weeks later?

This year, before making a declaration, take time to examine the "reason why" you are considering it. Is it to correct something you think is wrong or is it to fulfill a dream-come-true? The key to success lies in the "motive" for making the resolution in the first place. Goals that are established to carry out your aspirations are more likely to be accomplished and those that try to fix something hardly ever work.

I talk with people all the time in my life coaching practice that have mediocre, at best, romantic relationships. Most don’t even know what a great relationship is, let alone have one. Which type of romantic relationship are you in?

Here’s What Makes an Amazing Romantic Relationship…

When we…

• Feel good inside every time we are near our partner, talk to them or even think about them.

• Both have learned to be excellent listeners without ever taking anything personal.

• Notice our eyes light up when they walk into the room.

Are you afraid about what tomorrow will bring? Are you changing your lifestyle out of fear or staying awake at night tossing and turning?

Whether tormented about what's going to happen, worried over losing something, or just uncomfortable with change, many of us are simply trying to get through the day without letting the fear consume us. It's like the ground has been pulled out from underneath us. We just don't feel safe.
 

You may think just shedding those extra pounds would be satisfying. Sure it would be nice to fit into smaller clothes and be able to cross your legs without a great deal of pain. But the question is, "If getting rid of that excess fat was so satisfying, then why do we gain it back?"

The Following Reviews what Wanting to Lose Weight Really Means:

• You revolve your life around things you think you "need" to do, like following the latest diet, counting fat grams, reading food labels, weighing food, exercising, taking pills, or even preparing for surgery. Not only do these tasks take lots of your energy, but they also steer you away from doing things that give you pleasure and you thoroughly enjoy.

After the holidays, many of us come through a period of sugar highs, feeling bloated, tighter clothes and most disturbing of all, that daily "guilt." Year after year it's the same: starting in mid-November and gaining momentum as the weeks pass by, we involve ourselves in an extremely painful relationship with food. It's the kind of relationship where we sacrifice foods we enjoy, feel guilty when we "give in," or become constantly obsessed about when, what, and how much do we get to eat next.

If you’ve read my previous blogs you can recognize the signs you’re in a bad relationship. And, hopefully, if you’re in a relationship now you can identify more than a handful of these hints that signal you’re in a good relationship. 
 
When you…

• Look forward to seeing or talking with your partner.

• Laugh and act playful together.

• Feel completely relaxed in their presence.

• Often make eye contact.

• Don’t depend on what your partner says or does to be happier.

• Both have learned to give and receive affection.

Over the years of working with life coaching clients and dealing with my own weight loss issues, I’ve gathered and developed several weight loss affirmations or mantras.
 

Here Are Some Helpful Weight Loss Affirmations to Use...

• I have no use for excess weight any longer.

• I prepare and eat my food with love.

• Every day, I'm getting happier and healthier.

• I now use food for healing myself, not hurting myself.

• I no longer center my life around food.

• Today, I let nothing stress me out.

You might ask, “What are weight loss affirmations anyway?” Simply, they are thoughts we think over and over about weight. It is the act of affirming a belief.

The basic idea is to repeat an affirmation or a mantra until we start believing it. Then it becomes a natural part of who we are.
 

Some of the Many Benefits of Doing Weight Loss Affirmations...

• Give us faster and longer lasting results.

• Help us achieve our weight loss goals.

• Build our confidence and self-esteem.

• Helps us stay focused on our weight loss goals.

This isn’t about the obvious REALLY toxic relationships. You know, the ones that are full of jealousy, abuse, overdependence, or manipulative and controlling behavior. I’ll leave that to the therapists.

Here are some not-so-obvious hints you have a bad relationship…

When you…

• Have a habit of blaming each other for one thing or another.

• Feel guilty and apologize at least once a month.

• Stay crazy busy most of the time.

• Repeatedly take things too seriously.

• Feel lonely and unconnected.

• Want your partner to appreciate you more.

Maybe things in your relationship could be better. And maybe your partner will come around to doing the things he or she ought to be doing. But first, are you? Are you sabotaging your relationship in small, insidious ways?
 
When you…

• Put expressing “I love you” on auto-pilot, saying it at least once a day.

• Over-apologize or expect your partner to.

• Bring up past mistakes.

• Strongly believe that a good relationship requires you to make sacrifices and compromises.

• Are too available.

• Never have an opinion on anything.

I intend to bring sexy back. The kind of sexy that is the embodiment of self respect, self compassion and self love.  What? You say feeling sexy isn’t that important to you? It should be. Could you/should you amp up the wattage of the sexy meter? Read on…
 

The Biggest Signs You Could Feel Sexier

When you…

• Think of yourself as not sexy at all.

• Believe feel sexy is for those few people who are good looking.

• Place feeling sexy as not that important to you.

Out of all my blogs since Sept 2008, the top 3 most popular ones are on people pleasing. They are 52 Traits of a Chronic People Pleaser, 19 Reasons to Stop People Pleasing, and 10 Affirmations of a Chronic People Pleaser.
 
That shocks me! Are there that many people suffering from the need to please that they want to get informed and possibly overcome it?

Take this short people pleasing test and see if your chronic niceness is causing you enough stress, unhappiness, and difficulties to want to do something about it. 
 
Is it Time for You to Stop People Pleasing and Start Enjoying your Life?
 
If you are ready to end the habit of people pleasing now, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.
 

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When we think of feeling sexy, the first thing that comes to most of our minds is being hot, flirtatious, risqué, seductive, and to be real frank, kind of a slut. Uck! Who wants that? Always fighting off unwanted attention and trying to ignore the off-color looks and comments behind our backs. No wonder most women dumb it down and never give feeling sexy another thought.
 
I’d like to redefine what feeling sexy means so every woman could actually feel sexy if they wanted to.
 
My Definition of a Sexy Woman is…

Someone who…

If you are anything like me, you’re curious about what topics others are interested in. (Seems like a lot of us are questioning our habit of needing to please.) So to celebrate my 41st month of blogging, here are my Top 10 blog posts about ordinary day-to-day life.
 
#10.  10 Subtle Signs You are Unhappy

#9.   12 Ways to Stop People Pleasing

#8.   10 Popular Things Women Feel Guilty Over

#7.   How to Get Rid of Feeling Guilty

#6.   6 Things Women People Pleasers Don’t Realize

#5.   6 Reasons Women Feel So Guilty

I’m not stupid. I know that a people pleaser’s worst fear is to be called selfish. People pleasers rearrange their whole lives so they will not be regarded as selfish. Well, people pleaser, listen up: You. Are. Selfish.  At least consider the possibility that you may have selfish, self-absorbed tendencies by reading and thinking about this.

It’s as scary as the vampires populating the movie screens and books. And just as seductive: It’s the darkside of needing to please.
 
A coaching client of mine said she couldn’t see any value in not being too nice until I bluntly explained the huge and scary disadvantages to her. She is now working on stopping this nasty habit.
 

So here it is as bold and in your face as I can make it…

People Pleasers…

Do you want to have a higher quality of life, learn how to live better, or be more successful? Watch this and see how.
 

 
Here’s my personal advice on how to have a better life, business, or career…

1 Try FULLY PARTICIPATING or really engage in whatever you find yourself doing. It’s taking everything you do whether it’s a relationship, work, or making a budget and really getting into it.
I really believe most of our misery and discontent comes from getting into the habit of half-assing it. 

I have had the honor of being a business and life coach to Connie Phillips-Eary, the executive director at Sojourner Center in Phoenix, AZ.  I really admire how she achieved one of her dreams. Below is her story of how she got out of fear of failing. 
 

Connie wanted to hike the breathtaking and remote Havasupai Falls in Arizona. The 12- mile hike was not for the faint of heart with switchbacks and a steep descent.
“I’m not an outdoors type,” she said. “I’m not real athletic so it was a real challenge to do it.”

I have had the honor of filming a few of my coaching clients to get their advice, suggestions, tips, and insights on what they wish they knew in their 20’s spiritually.
 
Participants in Part III are Jody Owen, JoAnne Musolf, Lucinda Lintz, Alita Kalgaard, Kathy Church, and Sally Marks.
 

 
To see more inspiring video’s visit Vickie Champion’s YouTube Channel

 
Contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary life coaching and consulting session.
 

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I have had the honor of filming a few of my coaching clients to get their advice, suggestions, tips, and insights on what they wish they knew in their 20’s spiritually.
 
Participants in Part II are Kimber Lambeth, Diane Bolden, Darrell Merrick, Debbie Frank, Connie Phillips-Eary, Kelly Loeffler, and Michelle Evard.
 

 
To see more inspiring video’s visit Vickie Champion’s YouTube Channel
 

Contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary life coaching and consulting session.
 

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