The Darkside of People Pleasing

It’s as scary as the vampires populating the movie screens and books. And just as seductive: It’s the darkside of needing to please.
 
A coaching client of mine said she couldn’t see any value in not being too nice until I bluntly explained the huge and scary disadvantages to her. She is now working on stopping this nasty habit.
 

So here it is as bold and in your face as I can make it…

People Pleasers…

1 Want to be “liked” so much because they absolutely loathe themselves. They are constantly criticizing themselves with every move they make, all repeating this common theme “I’m never good enough no matter what I say or do.”
 
2  Can be extremely dishonest and think nothing of lying to your face, all to avoid the possibility of rejection, disapproval, disappointment and being abandoned.  
 
3  Can easily attract and stay in abusive relationships.
 
4  Have a tendency to be very selfish. See my blog “How People Pleasers are Selfish.”
 
5 Tend to surround themselves with mates, relatives, friends, employers, co-workers, and customers that take advantage of their “niceness,” and have very little, if any respect for them as a person.

6 Have a strong need to feel superior to the victims they choose to rescue and console.
 
7  Would rather be negative and worry themselves sick, and dream up possible nightmarish situations  than be optimistic and focus on happy outcomes.
 
8  Are haunted by regrets and guilt.
 
9  Tend to give only to eventually get. They can easily become angry and resentful when they don’t receive either companionship or appreciation in return.
 
10  Could care less about how anything they say or do affects anyone in the long term. As long as everyone is happy and it keeps the peace now, who cares what happens down the road?
 
This nightmare of a people-pleasing lifestyle, is something you can wake up from. It is possible to reframe the way you look at your people-pleasing habits and to retrain your actions so your life is no longer something to be feared, but embraced.

 
Other info on chronic niceness by Vickie Champion you might be interested is:

Signs you Need to Stop People Pleasing at Work

6 Thing Women People Pleasers Don’t Realize

Disadvantages of Hiring People Pleasers

Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers

Top 10 Affirmations of a Chronic People Pleaser

52 Traits of a Chronic People Pleaser

19 Reasons to Stop People Pleasing

To stop the nasty habit of people pleasing and the need to be liked, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.
 

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Signs You Need to Stop People Pleasing at Work

This is the year you’ve decided that you’re going to live your dreams, accomplish those set-aside career aspirations and strengthen your relationships. But if you have a need to please – especially at work – it ain’t gonna happen. Know the signs of a People Pleaser at work. If you recognize yourself in the following examples, it’s time to stop. It’s time to change your reactions. It’s time to remember what you really want for yourself.

When you…

• Say yes to practically any task anyone needs done just to be “liked.”
• Wait to be offered a raise instead of asking for one.
• Work longer hours than almost everyone else.
• Allow fellow employees to interrupt and distract your focus constantly.
• Overprepare for meetings.
• Strongly believe that the longer and harder you work, the more they will appreciate you.
• Are comfortable functioning on overload.
• Have been bypassed for promotions but told they really value you in your current position.
• Ask for others opinions and direction on even the smallest tasks.
• Tend to rescue or make excuses for incompetent members of your team.
• Work on vacation days.
• Are getting physically ill from the long hours, stress and worry.
• Stay awake at night with stories you make up about “if I said and did this, they will say and do that.”
• Expect your boss, co-workers, and customers to appreciate you and your extra work.
• Have reviews that encourage you to be more aggressive, improve on decision making, and to be more confident.
• Are told the company will pay for a personal coach for you.

Your career goals and dreams matter. The only one who can make them happen is you. Being a People Pleaser, and putting the needs and expectations of others first may offer some immediate satisfaction. But it’s a fleeting illusion and it doesn’t lead to real joy, real peace.

Other info on chronic niceness by Vickie Champion you might be interested is:

6 Thing Women People Pleasers Don’t Realize

Disadvantages of Hiring People Pleasers

Advantages of Hiring People Pleasers

Top 10 Affirmations of a Chronic People Pleaser

52 Traits of a Chronic People Pleaser

19 Reasons to Stop People Pleasing

For more advice on being too nice, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

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How to Have a Better Life, Business or Career

Do you want to have a higher quality of life, learn how to live better, or be more successful? Watch this and see how.
 

 
Here’s my personal advice on how to have a better life, business, or career…

1 Try FULLY PARTICIPATING or really engage in whatever you find yourself doing. It’s taking everything you do whether it’s a relationship, work, or making a budget and really getting into it.
I really believe most of our misery and discontent comes from getting into the habit of half-assing it. 

2 HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. We have the choice whether to make any situation in our life, business or our career the worst thing that happened or the best that happened. It’s what we want to make of it.

3 Understand thePURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO LEARN TO LOVE, not to avoid what we don’t like.
I often hear my coaching clients saying they do love others, but it also means loving yourself  the good and the bad and learning to love everything else.

 
To see more inspiring video’s visit Vickie Champion’s YouTube Channel

 
If you want a better life, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary coaching and consulting session.

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3 Things I Know About Being an Entrepreneur

I decided to share some of my tips, suggestions, and advice about running a small business or a home based business.

 
Here’s a summary of what is talked about in this video…
There are five areas of Small Business.

• Holding the Vision


• Finding Customers


• Implementation, which is doing the actual service or the making the product.


• Looking at the Numbers


• Building & Maintaining a Team

 
Even if one of the 5 areas of business is neglected than they ALL will come crashing down. They are all equally important.

• If you neglect HOLDING the VISION, you will have nothing to guide the business.


• If you neglect FINDING CUSTOMERS, you will go out of business.


• If you neglect IMPLEMENTATION, you will aquire angry customers who want refunds and will eventually leave.


• If you neglect the NUMBERS, there is nothing to measure your success or problem areas.


• If you neglect the maintaining and building a TEAM, you will either have a time management problem, become the bottleneck or burnout.
   

Your success depends on how fast you equalize your weakest areas!

To see more inspiring video’s visit Vickie Champion’s YouTube Channel

If you have any small business problems in these 5 areas, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary business coaching and consulting session.
 

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13 Intuitive Signs You Might be Laid Off or Fired Soon

It’s happening all around you. People are losing their jobs. Is it about to happen to you next?  You can wait for the dreaded phone call or the email that you’re wanted in your manager’s office. Or you can become proactive and tune in to see if a pink slip is in your future.

Here Are Some Signs You Might be Laid off or Fired soon…

When you…

• Absolutely dread going into work and can't wait to leave.

• Complain about your job duties, your co-workers, your boss and the company to anyone who will listen.

• Notice yourself gaining weight, smoking like a chimney, or becoming deathly ill.

• Will take time off work for even the lamest reasons like getting a third estimate on a new hot water heater, or because your distant cousin needs a ride to work.

• Feel resentful or angry about anything work related. It could be your supervisor criticizing you, failure to get a promotion, not being recognized for your talent or your coworkers not being disciplined for their incompetence.

• Day dream about things you would rather be doing.

• Suffer physical symptoms like an anxiety attack, or knotted stomach when you think about starting another work week.

• Judge everything and everyone remotely related to your work.

• Can’t buy into company policies and procedures, especially the latest ones.

• Find yourself in conflict with your supervisor, other team members, or customers.

• Do the minimum amount of work. Be less than you can be.

• Feel a sense of relief when you think about not having to go into work on your days off.

• Have checked out -- you know, the “whatever” attitude.

If more than a couple of these sound familiar, it could signal that a change in job status is in your future. This is a GOOD THING. Recognizing through the intuitive signs that a particular job is no longer right for you, empowers you to start searching for a more fulfilling job and life.
 

To get more insights and advice on job hunting.
 
If you want to learn how to use your intuition finding a job, contact Vickie Champion for a complimentary career coaching and consulting session.

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