A coaching client of mine said she couldn’t see any value in not being too nice until I bluntly explained the huge and scary disadvantages to her. She is now working on stopping this nasty habit.
So here it is as bold and in your face as I can make it…
1 Want to be “liked” so much because they absolutely loathe themselves. They are constantly criticizing themselves with every move they make, all repeating this common theme “I’m never good enough no matter what I say or do.”
2 Can be extremely dishonest and think nothing of lying to your face, all to avoid the possibility of rejection, disapproval, disappointment and being abandoned.
3 Can easily attract and stay in abusive relationships.
4 Have a tendency to be very selfish. See my blog “How People Pleasers are Selfish.”
5 Tend to surround themselves with mates, relatives, friends, employers, co-workers, and customers that take advantage of their “niceness,” and have very little, if any respect for them as a person.
6 Have a strong need to feel superior to the victims they choose to rescue and console.
7 Would rather be negative and worry themselves sick, and dream up possible nightmarish situations than be optimistic and focus on happy outcomes.
8 Are haunted by regrets and guilt.
9 Tend to give only to eventually get. They can easily become angry and resentful when they don’t receive either companionship or appreciation in return.
10 Could care less about how anything they say or do affects anyone in the long term. As long as everyone is happy and it keeps the peace now, who cares what happens down the road?
This nightmare of a people-pleasing lifestyle, is something you can wake up from. It is possible to reframe the way you look at your people-pleasing habits and to retrain your actions so your life is no longer something to be feared, but embraced.
Other info on chronic niceness by Vickie Champion you might be interested is:
To stop the nasty habit of people pleasing and the need to be liked, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.
By Vickie Champion