Almost everybody people pleases or has the need to be liked. This list, however, is for those of us who have allowed the need to please to compromise the health of our relationships, work, finances and our bodies.
Here are 52 Ways to Recognize the Chronic, Ingrained People Pleaser…
The perpetual people pleaser…
1 Always avoid conflicts or even disagreements.
3 Constantly worries about hurting others’ feelings.
4 Has no idea what their dreams or goals are.
5 Feels they are never "good'' enough.
6 Would rather be nice and perfect than happy.
7 Functions totally from “shoulds.”
8 Assures they always do more than their share.
9 Rarely makes decisions, putting it off on anyone else to do it.
10 Is baffled by the concept, take it easy and relax.
11 Confuses being “needed” with being “loved.”
13 Avoids giving themselves credit for anything.
14 Makes it a practice to please strangers and neglect loved ones.
15 Easily attracts people who need to be rescued and consoled.
16 Strongly believes they need to “do” something to be “loved” or even “accepted.”
17 Is very insecure about their abilities, knowledge or just about anything they do.
18 Routinely operates on auto pilot.
19 Jumps to volunteer, especially for jobs that no one else will do.
20 Feels exhausted from always trying to be "perfect.''
21 Has a huge fear of letting their friends, family and even strangers down.
22 Almost always feel undeserving.
23 Thinks nothing of telling lies to not rock the boat.
25 Constantly seeks approval from others, but could care less about their own opinions.
27 Wastes time with people who really don’t care or consider their needs.
28 Think they are solely responsible for others’ happiness.
29 Are scared to death of being called selfish, even for an instant.
30 Rarely, if ever, asks for help or accepts help.
31 Constantly suppresses anger, fearing rejection.
32 Would much rather be nice than be real.
33 Has no desire to listen and follow their intuition.
34 Continuously holds back from saying what they really think and feel.
35 Often feels trapped.
36 Are scared to death of being wrong or taking any kind of risk.
37 Reduces their own anxiety by focusing on others’ needs.
38 Comes unglued easily when under pressure.
39 Has plenty of regrets.
40 Tries to provide and control everything in the relationship without considering their own feelings and needs.
41 Are willing to bend over backwards to make unhappy, self-centered, controlling people feel better about themselves.
42 Becomes paralyzed with little nightmares we make up about “if we said and did this, they will say and do that.”
43 Is extremely critical of themselves.
44 Has a really hard time accepting kindness from others.
45 Has poor problem-solving skills.
46 Is unable to direct or supervise others.
47 Feels guilty about not accomplishing enough or not being able to make everyone happy.
48 Runs on the praise and appreciation of other people.
49 Seldom, if ever, expresses an opinion of their own.
50 Is secretly terrified of being "found out'' that they are not as good as they appear to others.
51 Displays a bland personality. They don’t want to appear interesting, unique, or challenging. Nope, too risky.
52 Wonders why everyone seems to take advantage of them and why they get little respect?
Whew! What a weight to carry around on your shoulders. And it’s heavier the more times you identified with this list. No wonder you feel trapped, depressed and more than a little frazzled.
I can help you find a way out of the mess. Please contact me if you believe it’s time to regain some peace and joy.
When you’re ready to learn to say no in a gentle way, check out my Painless Ways to Stop People Pleasing—How to Say NO and Still be Kind video series.
See my entire People Pleasing section. If you need more advice on how to manage your need to be nice or stop being a niceaholic, contact Vickie Champion for a discovery coaching and consulting session.
By Vickie Champion